Hyūga Shigure
the price of freedom is steep
groupnull
age 21 years old
birthday August 20
rank Jōnin
occupation Genin Team 1 Lead / Interception Team
"an unlikely encounter". "No matter how many people you may lose, you have no choice but to go on living." FREEDOM
And yet, he felt quite pathetic, and in is own shame, he drank more, finishing the rest of the cup in a single gulp. At this point, he was already drunk, not being very tolerant to alcohol since he had only started drinking this past year, when he became of age. Deep inside, his heart was fighting itself, unsure on how to deal with its own feelings. The conflict was intense and painful. One one hand, he cared about Hanako deeply, he had always been infatuated by her, but ever since they were engaged - a decision made by his father - his feelings, his desires, they always came accompanied by intense guilt. He was the master, she was the servant. Her duty was to obey the main house, to do their every bidding and attend to their every whim. She had no feelings for him, in her eyes, he was her duty and that alone, but dutiful as she was, she took it in stride. As for him, he had always desired her, but he resisted for years, because he didn't want to be with her if she didn't reciprocate his feelings.
That was true until he nearly died at the hands of the current Mizukage. The prospect of dying made him hold regrets deeply into his heart. He didn't want to leave this world without ever having felt what love feels like, and that's when they got together for the first time, but still, no matter how good it felt when he was in her arms, the guilt always came to haunt him later. He felt ashamed, as if he was taking advantage of her position as a servant. For someone who wanted to give the branch house their freedom, he felt like quite the hypocrite. And yet, he indulged, because of his own selfish feelings for her. That couldn't be love, right? If it was, he wouldn't feel the need to be with her regardless of her feelings on the matter. And that realization haunted the young man.
He was selfish, he was dirty, he was trying to bury such thoughts in the darkest, most remote corner of his brain, but they were always there, sticking up like a sore thumb. And yet, Daisuke was here saying otherwise, telling him he was far from selfish, and that got him by surprise. The shock in his eyes was evident, and unable to deal with his own emotions, the tears escaped him, rolling down his face. He tried to say something, but he gasp instead, like if he had a knot in his throat. And then, the cloud shinobi told him the cold truth of the matter with a perfect assessment of what Shigure feared the most: to be alone.
More tears started rolling down his face and he gazed away from Daisuke. "H-how... How can you see it through my eyes like that? Like open doors... I always felt guilt... As if I was taking advantage of her to fulfill my selfish desires... And I did that, I resisted for years, but I caved... I gave in, and that brought me some fleeting happiness, but lasting shame." he sighed. "I've always tried to fight for their freedom... And yet, I knew it, when we were together, that she was doing it out of duty, not love... That's why I said I'm pathetic... I should've been stronger, but you are right... The reason why I did it is because of my fear of being alone. This is my weakness... It had always been my weakness... Ever since I was a child, and I watched my peers playing and making friends through the walls of this place. This place is my cage... And I'm not free, I never was... Surrounded by people, but alone... It was hard growing up this way... And when I finally had people who made me feel like I was not alone, they were gone..." he whimpered, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.
"But you know what is funny? I guess I matured in a way... For you see... This girl from the Grass Village... I would be lying if I said my heart doesn't want to be with her, but... I'm in peace and satisfied as long as she is happy... It's different in a way... Confusing, yes... I never felt anything for anyone else until she came around. I don't think I've ever had these normal, comforting feelings..." he admitted, with a bittersweet smile on his face.
"So what if it seems hopeless? If it were me, I still wouldn't give up. Embrace your dreams. And, whatever happens, protect your honour as a Shinobi, for the price of freedom is steep."
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last edit by Hyūga Shigure on Jul 14, 2022 8:40:12 GMT -5
Ren
has written 1,690 posts
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