[Tsuruza Ukon]

kubomi

degenerative rage

BASIC INFORMATION

CLAN NAME: Kubomi
CLAN TYPE: Hijutsu
CLAN ORIGIN: Tsuchi no Kuni
RESIDENCE: Iwagakure

CLAN IDEOLOGY

Despite being a Clan whose entirely ancestry  has relied on rage for combat, the Kubomi are a surprisingly peaceful people. They are a private Clan, tending to keep to themselves and our of the way of political and foreign affairs. In truthfulness, their lack of emotion is just as much of a hinder as their uncontrollable rage. They are loyal only to themselves. While they may not have much emotion, their ideals and sense of morality are still present.

The Kubomi are raised to be lawful citizens and that their sense of worth can be measured in their accomplishments to their country and village. It is expected for anyone capable of surviving a physiological change to enter the Academy and pursue a military life-style. Those who cannot should look to a less demanding life-style where uncontrolled rage will not effect their surroundings.

CLAN HIERARCHY

There is little to no system of Hierarchy in the Kubomi Clan. Families live independently to themselves. Regardless, respect is always given to those who are capable of living through the procedures change and choose to become a ninja. Those born without malformations are considered lucky to be able to live a normal life, but are often ostracized because of it.

CLAN HISTORY

Years of controversy have surrounded the Kubomi Clan. It isn't as much of a Clan at all as much as it is a passing of genes from one generation to the next. The Clan came to be after the discovery of one man whose given name was Kiyotaka. Kiyotaka was prisoner of war, brought in by Tsuchi hundreds of years ago. Even as a slender, malnourished man, he was difficult to handle. Series of rage-like tantrums caused many to look his way. Slight changes in his physiological form were noted. 

It was noted that his brain contained almost no activity in a certain area of the brain. This portion of the brain was slowly atrophying and spreading further, which likely contributed to his early death. In addition, the outbursts of rage slowly broke apart at Kiyotaka's muscle. It broke the limit of what his body could handle, severely damaging his muscles and bones.

The dulled emotioned noted in Kiyotaka coupled with the extreme trigger of hostility was something that a scientist by the name of Moriyama Isuzu wished to take full advantage of. Kiyotaka's genes were saved and passed along to three children, all male, in an attempt to essentially 'breed' these genes. Isuzu was obsessed with the idea of creating an army of raging shinobi.

Isuzu's studies were kept a secret. She raised the three boys in silence, placing solid ideals and morals that revolved around the protection of the country. However, because of the outbursts of rage, the only person who could really control them was Isuzu.

One of the boys, the youngest, died early from wear and tear at his muscles. His heart gave in at the age of eight due to the studies. Isuzu decided to take a new approach, performing various tests on the two remaining boys, replacing their arms and legs with pulley-like systems that acted as ligaments. The bones were removed and replaced with metal rods, and their tissue and skin were replaced with steel. Their muscles and blood vessels, the only remaining tissue left, were attached to the device. The metal rods and ligament system acted as a cushion for their own muscles, greatly reducing the stress on their own bodies. It was a brutal process that took many years. The oldest of the two did not many the procedures due to infection.

The last boy, Izo, made it through the procedures and a majority of his his bones were removed and replaced with metal with his muscles and veins attached to them. He was the first official 'creation' that accurately represented what the Kubomi clan resembled today. The name 'Kubomi' (lit. Hollow) was given to the clan after the dulled emotions that was consistent with the malformation. 

Isuzu was captured and detained shortly after her completion of the tests. As unethical as they were, Izo never hated Isuzu for her work. In fact, he saw it as his mission to continue it. Izo continued with the creation of the Clan, continuing it with children of his own. However, without Isuzu to alter their bodies with suits, their health and numbers could never be stable.

The Kubomi clan, of course, started out incredibly small because of this. They were uncontrollable by Tsuchi, but kept to themselves as their numbers rose. Their first involvement with politics was during the foundation of Iwagakure in 927. A majority of the Kubomi clan spoke in favor of a unified village where they could live in peace. They sought refuse in Iwa and a chance to let their clan small thrive.

Shortly after arriving and settling in Iwagakure, The Kubomi Clan was approached by a blacksmith of the Tantetsu clan who offered to create a contract with the Kubomi. The man, wanting to further develop prosthetic and bio-mechanical engineering, saw the Kubomi as perfect candidates to test new devices. The Tantestu and Kubomi worked together to advance their suits.

Laws were quickly placed on the surgeries that required several conditions to be met before a Kudomi could replace their bodies with the devices.



1. The Kudomi must be confirmed to being susceptible to violent outbursts as characterized by the Kiyotaka Malformation and the malformation must be characterized as being a Type A.



2. The Kudomi must agree to the surgery and be aware of its complexity. If too young, both parents must consent. This includes future surgeries for repairs, modifications, and adjustments. The child, however, must be over the age of 15.



3. Procedure areas are limited to: legs, arms, and torso. As per contract (post 927), all suits are to be purchased from and regulated and designed by Tantestu clan. No modifications can be made and suits may not be personalized. The blueprints for the suits are final outside of body weight and size modifications and cosmetic appearances.

With the suits being made again, the Kubomi would slowly begin to thrive, and actually have the numbers and health to sustain a decent sized clan.

During the First Shinobi War, the Kubomi Clan promised their weapons. In return for their involvement with the war, the clan was given further funding to better develop their bio-mechanical suits required for living.

Not having repaired fast enough after the First Shinobi War, the Kubomi were excused from the Second Shinobi War in order to repair their suits, despite the attack on Iwa leaders. They joined in on the Second War in 987 and stayed until it was over.

Up until 1004, the Kubomi Clan was unable to manipulate chakra with good control due to the lack of technology at the time. A huge improvement of bio-medical technology then allowed channels to be created within the suits to correct the flow of chakra that had been lost due to the traumatic damage caused by the surgeries. 

During the Iwa Civil War, the Kubomi Clan wished to stay neutral, but were drawn into the war after several of their Clan members were kill in the crossfire of another battle. They fully backed Takara after her election as Tsuchikage when the civil war was over.

CLAN ABILITIES

Kiyotaka Malformation: 
A brain malformation consistent with the Kubomi clan. An area of the brain that controls emotion loses all activity and slowly decays over time. The rate of decay and age of onset varies from person to person. Not all clansmen have the malformation, and there are three subtypes of the Malformation. A member of the Kubomi clan can also be born with no Malformation.

Type A:
Age of onset occurs during adolescent years with a very slow decay rate.
Average Onset: 15-20 years old
Life Expectancy: 20-30 years after onset

Type B:
Age of onset occurs later in life with rapid decay rate.
Average Onset: 20-30 years old
Life Expectancy: 5 years after onset

Type C:
The age of onset can occur at any age, with no decay and mild symptoms
Life Expectancy: 60+ years old

The Malformation removes the limit of the muscles, allowing them to overextend their stamina and strength so much so that it can tear the muscle fiber and permanently damage skeletal tissue as well as soft tissue. Skeletal muscles and the heart are most at risk. The risks of the outbursts of rage are too risky and therefore, given the right type of malformation, the member must undergo a series of painful but lifesaving procedures.

The malformation causes an extremely dulled emotion in addition to easily triggered outbursts of anger. Intelligence, memorization, and personality are otherwise unaffected. The malformation heavily affects the chakra channels within the body as well, causing a burst of chakra that is difficult to control. The Kubomi member can easily waste all of their chakra in one incredibly powerful move, but that in itself can kill them or tear their suit and body apart.

During outbursts of rage, the Kubomi member's irises glow slightly and the whites of their eyes turn dark. Veins pop and they begin to sweat and their face flushes red. They can distinguish between good and bad and can still control their actions, but they are much more likely to act out of rage. It is said that every Kubomi member has at least one way to calm them down if someone were to find it. 

Kubomi Suit:
The suit given to Kubomi members is always custom made to the person as to not be rejected by the body. The bones are slowly removed and replaced with metal rods where the muscles and veins are intricately attached to these rods. The outer layer of skin is replaced with with. This allows the body to be able to handle the fierce blows. The rods are hollow to create channels for chakra where it can be gathered for jutsu.

The Kubomi must be 15-20 years of age and Type A Malformation. It is recommended that the person be fully grown before the procedure, but not always the safest option. The procedures can take up to 2 years of life to perform and fully recover. During this time, they cannot attend training, missions, or schooling of any kind.

The suits add a layer of defense that can easily protect the ninja from non-enhanced weapons and projectiles as well as Taijutsu. The suit greatly affects the user's ability to gather the correct amount of chakra which causes it to drain quicker than most when using Ninjutsu or Genjutsu. Their physical attacks are quite a bit more powerful than most, even more so during rage outbursts. The suit itself does not allow the user to jump higher or run faster, but the sheer muscle power during a rage outburst can allow for heightened strength and speed, but greatly lowers accuracy, stamina, and chakra control. Chakra can be gathered within the suit and be expelled through the palm of the hand or the soles of the feet. Due tot he amount of pain during the process of implementing the suit, input receptors on nerves are killed, completely eliminating any sense of pain or touch from those areas.

Kubomi are unable to have Chakra control SA and all actions cost a grade higher. The suits add a more susceptibility to lightning and fire attacks.

MEMBERS

• Clan Leader - Name Here
• Clan Heir - Name Here
• Member - Name Here

✜ designed by catbug for use on naruto: fallen blades

[Yoshiko]

Lack of Emotion; You mean they've got a lack of emotion, but also have an uncontrolled rage. Rage is an emotion, so just make it clear throughout they're near emotionless or they're near solely geared towards one emotion. 

Clan Hierarchy: "Those born without malformations are considered lucky, and typical act as a voice for the rest of the Clan, but are discouraged from bearing children." If there's no real hierarchy and those not malformed are the mouths of this clan, there's realistically no reason they'd be discouraged from bearing children. As there's neither the authority to stop them, nor would it make sense for the decision makers to decide this upon themselves.

History; I'm still in the boat of they shouldn't understand the mental defect till later, I'd say similarly for the prosthetic's and they shouldn't come in like the first batch of Kubomi. It'd make more sense as a much later after thought, IE the clan was pressed to expand, so there'd be more of these soldiers who'd put their everything into attacks, but due to how often they over did it, then the prosthetic's would come into play. Though they'd likely not be good / battle ready until Tantatsu involvement. 

Similarly as I discussed with you I'm not sure you should need to not be able to use chakra, as the prothetic's to work would need it more likely. As early pre-tantetsu works would be mere works of likely a puppeteer. IE what Sasori built for his friend.  

Finally as we discussed, Takara didn't pick a side in the war. They might of been supporters of her stance in the election, but they're almost best of having not participated, as the Tantetsu were likely split in the war. 

Kiyotaka Malformation: So, I like this as the explanation for the suits, but I don't like the similarities it shares to the Eight Gates. I'd remove the red skin part, I'd also make it clear that even though the mental effect allow them to overexert to a point the mind wouldn't allow. They don't get any of the physical or chakra boosts of a gates user. 

Kubomi Suit: There are prosthetic's on the site, so I'm curious in seeing this as a Hijutsu and feel the Yoi clan sort implements something similar and different enough to allow this idea. However, I'm not sure I'm too cool with certain aspects. One the whole gathering and firing chakra, it feels like something a chakra based clan would have, but this isn't a chakra based clan.

Next your strengths vs weaknesses. It's less the boosts and minuses, but more so the lack of clarity. I'd say it should boost physical strength is fine. Endurance is the most sensible, especially against what you've written. Speed, I'm unsure how you'd pull this one off, I suggested speed could be normal before at the cost of extra stamina / chakra. Which in your defense you write that ninjutsu and genjutsu cost more chakra and lowers accuracy, stamina and chakra control. Accuracy similar to speed, I don't understand, I guess since you can't fully feel what you're throwing and since your chakra control is lowered this is more sensible than the speed increase. It's however kind of broad and punching would likely be still accurate?

I'd rather you just clearly state those with a Kubomi suit can't have the chakra control SA, all their actions cost at least a grade higher and since you're getting physical resistances. I'd say you'd pick up the weaknesses of lightning and fire. As a metal suit is going to be very conductive to both heat and electricity. 

Since I assume these will be made custom items and thus people will put in variations, someone could possibly cover this weakness, but for those who don't I want a clear weakness stated for the physical prowess gain. 

[Tsuruza Ukon]

Sorry for delay. College courses started.

Changed 'lack of emotion' to 'dulled emotion'

Changed clan hierarchy

Changed wording on chakra control. Mentioned at end they are unable to have chakra control SA. Added katon/raiton weakness and +grade cost for each action.

The 'red skin' would be no different from a flushed face from 'anger'. Changed the wording to better display that.

Reworded history to them supporting Takara after the war.

"One the whole gathering and firing chakra, it feels like something a chakra based clan would have, but this isn't a chakra based clan."

They can't 'fire' it exactly...it's just that the chakra is released through the holes in the palm for the jutsu. They can't fire pure chakra out of it. It's just concentrated there. Rewording to make it easier to understand.

As for the accuracy/speed thing:
I was thinking kind of like...wild swinging? Like a hulk chicken with its head cut off. The accuracy is terrible, but if a hit does go through it packs a more powerful punch than normal (reg enhanced strength SA-like, not super strong 'hulk' strength for clarification). Rage/anger causes pupils to dilate, but also can cause increase in strength. Mostly trying to mimic the loss of control associate with that. The speed increase is directly correlated to the adrenaline from the rage/anger, which goes hand in hand with strength. So they're not faster because speedy mc speedy, they're faster because they can push off the ground harder cause strength+. Input? I can still change if required.

Shifted history around. Clan was kept small with no suits until Tantestu got involved.

I believe I mentioned in there that the suit itself doesn't give strength/speed, it just allows for the body to not get torn apart by it.

"The suit itself does not allow the user to jump higher or run faster, but the sheer muscle power during a rage outburst can allow for heightened strength and speed..."

It's also no where near as powerful as Eight Gates. Hachimon would be like tier 1, Kubomi rage is like tier 3 with a bubble suit. I'd put it in tier with strength SA., maybe slightly higher. Tier 2 Sakura/Tsunade strength.

1. 8-Gates
2. Tsunade/Sakura Strength
3. Kubomi Roids
4. Strength SA
5. Good ole fashion fist bumping

For a more easily drawn out reference.

[Yoshiko]

1/2, but I wouldn't be surprised if you were asked to edit specific lines to be more clear. I'm not always the best with wording though, so I'll let the next staffer decide what and if anything else specifically needs to be re-worded to clarify the difference.

-Yoshiko

[Natsu]

I saw you were on, so figured I'd send you some quick notes as I'm hesitant this is going to be an easy review.

The two clans that I find similar at a glance are the Kyobo and the Yoi. Yoshi mentioned the Yoi, briefly.

Yoi make enhancements upon themselves.
Kyobo are focused in Rage related Weaponized Chakra.



I'll be going through and rereading their abilities and comparing them to yours. If I don't find them different enough, it won't pass.



I'm telling you this now just in case you want to go through and highlight the differences for me, if you think they're still different enough.

Or giving you a heads up in case you think 'oh yeah, those are pretty similar' to either choose one of those clans or edit yours around to make it more distinct.

Kyobo
Yoi

[Natsu]

Malformation – What are you trying to gain here from the SA? More stamina and strength? It seems like a horrific downside for typical SAs that you could build onto your character anyway. But perhaps that’s fine to fit the thematic for you? Just double checking what you intend versus what you’re going to get out of it.


I do hesitate greatly on the Kubomi Suit. Not that people can’t be experimented on, but this is the Yoi’s whole schtick. Which seemingly is the Kubomi’s as well. But if we go past that to just say ‘similar theme, different effect’ the effects I see are still relatively… useless? You add more strength, a typical SA, but at the cost of severely reducing your chakra control, stamina, and accuracy (see the double edged sword there too, the benefit of them entering anger mode in the Malformation where they enter Rage mode is negated. Stamina -1 vai suit. Stamina +1 during anger formation. Making it.. complicated with no benefit to you?) The chakra gathered in the hand through rage is definitely Kyobo-esque. But if not them, then the Onigo do so during their body modification being activated. Then the eliminating pain completely is actually something of a clan in itself as well, the Tanaka.


In essence, I think it’s unfocused. You pack way too much into it while making it complicated and not even super highly accessible or beneficial to you. Not to mention themes that dip into at least three clans, and I was avoiding mentioning a religion that utilizes certain berserker themes and abilities as well..



So. My suggestions.

Keep the Malformation. Utilize as thematic uses of Strength and Stamina SAs.

Kubomi Suit. Keep it as a benefit to their durability. Increased resistance to physical attacks. But rather than focus on the physicality boosts as the Yoi do, have them focus upon it regulating their chakra. If the malformation makes it so they can’t have control, then this fixes that. Focuses them. They have directly infused this suit with their chakra networks as well as their body. It gives them access to being able to utilize basic sorts of ‘blasts’ that take on the elemental properties of their natural element. With this extensive control added from their suits, they also gain the ability to more easily know when their chakra centers have been tampered with, and effectively, they can send a huge burst of chakra through themselves with a single thought to rid tampering from their specialized systems. [essentially, know automatically you’re under a genjutsu, and then be able to rid yourself of it automatically. Or perhaps up a rank than normal due to their specificity and odd pathway?]

[Tsuruza Ukon]

Understood. Dropping until I can figure out what to do with it though. Feel free to delete from Notify staff as I imagine it will be a while. I'll repost when I've figured it out. I might take a new direction with it, I'm honestly unsure.