[Shōko]

The combination technique specifically indicates that it functions in such a fashion. In this instance, it would be less a partial summoning and more a reconfiguration of the percentage of whose parts are featured as part of the combination.

I also updated the technique.

[Q]

Moro just asked me to provide my input, so I'll basically expand on what I originally told her. If this were a clan thing, I could maybe see some leniency; but as it is this is just a bunch of partial summoning jutsu without calling them partial summoning jutsu. Basically the soul bond jutsu sets it up by summoning one of the largest summons in existence and merging them with the user: this way the user is manifesting tentacles from the fused summon rather than summoning the tentacles directly, but they act the same way as partial summons.

Now if you wanted to make this a clan or something, i might be willing to entertain it. It'd be similar to how your cat clan fuses with their cats.

[Shōko]

So, the reason I made the soul bond jutsu was because I had a sort of "soft approval" of "yeah that should work". It's literally just a one+one technique that I designed because I really didn't want to summon the summon to the battlefield.

Originally, no one mentioned that the partial summons were sage only, in fact, the sage that uses the one told me about their techniques when I was inquiring about it so I figured it was A-okay.

Since then, I did sort of remove that concept, but still went with the combination transformation thing. The combination transformation, however, "merges" the two.

My technique I made that I think is being interpreted as partial summoning is more of shifting the percentage from like, 80% shoko 20% summon to more like 60-40. As combination transformation can manifest a singular entity with traits from both individuals, I would think it should be okay.

However! I may not have written the technique very well, in which case it may be worth revising it. If that is the case, just let me know!

[Q]

The issue with the combination thing is that it essentially allows for a pseudo-partial summoning, it allows for the manifestation of a portion of the summon without technically bringing the entire creature onto the battlefield: basically it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. So it ultimately steps on a summoning trick typically reserved for sages.

That's basically the issue. I'm definitely not opposed to something like this existing but like I said previously, I feel like it's something that's a bit too far outside of the norm as far as summons go for it to exist as a standard summoning. It's a cool idea, but to me it feels like something that would be better as a hijutsu involving this massive summon or something like that.

[Shōko]

I do not want the technique to be a Hijutsu.

I do not care if other people have/use the technique.

Therefore, I do not see the issue.

Thank you.

[Shōko]

Tentacle Growth was adjusted, and is no longer partial summoning.

Everything else should be good to go.

[Han]

This is very long...

Why is there only one contract spot? Is this a personal summon? Because if so that doesn't line up with the creature's occasional desire to manipulate humans for its own desire. It wouldn't play 'ball' to only have one summoner based on your writing.

The octopus is in an Order of animals, which consists of 300 different species. Please decide on a genus or species for this summon.

"Seeing Shin'en no Ban'nin is often sufficient to evoke madness in man, breaking the spirit of the weak-willed and lesser beings. To stand before Shin'en no Ban'nin and not tremble in fear would require an inability to comprehend the concept of fear, and even then they might still quiver for how tremendous and great Shin'en no Ban'nin's countenance is."

All of this would be considered flavor text and not an actual ability, there are many different kinds of individuals out there, and they cannot be made to feel anything simply by standing in front of a summon.

"but these shorn pieces, masses of writhing tentacles, are more than capable of manifesting the great ones' form in reduced size,"

Please specify if this implying partial summoning? If so please remove. If this is about changing the size and shape of the creature, then I suggest splitting this up into a family of summons instead of one big S-Rank summon.

Overall, the appearance seems to have a few abilities slipped in, instead of actual physical appearance traits. Reword anything that may come off as an ability, and focus only on physical attributes.

Sound of the Deep, Horror of the Dark SA
- As before you cannot force anyone or anything to feel something. Everyone is given the opportunity to react as their character or big boss summon might.

Supreme Unknown, Eternal Devourer SA
Remove all mentions of eclipse or full moon being exceptions.

All the jutsu have some kind of hand seal count, the creature either needs a dedicated SA to make these hand seals (since it only has tentacles) or you must explain how these jutsu are done since they belong to the creature, not the human summoning it - i.e please remove any mentions of contract holder being able to perform these techniques especially not without purchasing them.

Tamashī no kizuna technique should be performed by the creature, not the summoner if it so desires. Though based on its personality I don't really see it being overly keen on being summoned at all.

Shokushu no seichō technique performed by creature, remove summoner/contract owner. You included a lot of extra detail about the tentacles here that does not really pertain to the jutsu. Strength, durability, and the ability to heal over time are all special abilities, regrowing a tentacle is okay, but all that other stuff needs to be made into SA's or it needs to be removed.

Kamikaze, as before please remove mention of the contract owner knowing these techniques. You can't get around buying and putting in an application for shinobi techniques, by making them summon techniques.

Kishi e, remove contract owner as before.

Shinkai hoko, remove contract owner please. Furthermore, striking the target in a genjutsu and causing them pain would slowly weaken if not totally negate the genjutsu over time even if more apparitions appeared. Especially if you are truly striking them and it isn't just an illusion they are stuck in. For this reason, please add that the genjutsu itself weakens over time due to this fact, and either lowers in rank over each rotation or gives the target an opportunity to cancel out.

Eien no kyo shōhi remove contract owner.

Overall, is it not a little odd that this creature would have such high-level genjutsu, but not be able to get himself out of a genjutsu? I recommend getting rid of one of the techniques and adding "Kai" instead.

The Bell.

Bringer of Fear - As before you cannot make people feel anything, and I think most shinobi are not weak-willed, and not all civilians are either. To say that they would go catatonic is a bit of a stretch. Please understand that the majority of this SA is basically flavor text, since you cannot really FORCE anyone to feel or act a certain way depending on the character.

Deception Inception - I'm going to say that this ability makes no sense since all of the genjutsu is listed as visual "making eye contact with" so unless the beast has auditory genjutsu, this ability is useless. Furthermore, I'm not really for replacing auditory with non-tangible vibrations. Vibrations don't truly affect the senses which is what the purpose of genjutsu is.

Resistance is Futile - You can't have something that endlessly re-applies jutsu without a significant or equal amount of chakra usage with each re-application or even having to trigger the individual again. If they learn to not look in the eyes, then you can't simply re-apply it with magic.

Indestructible - I'm okay with it being weak to heat, though seeing as it's underwater all the time it would be kind of damp and put out any fire. Please add that it would also be weak to extreme kinetic force (equal rank) or legendary/equal rank+ chakra enhanced weaponry.

Overall I'm not really for the majority of these abilities, as they seem to try and override the site's mechanics to get an easy or instant win.

Furthermore, I'd like to know how a simple child from Kumogakure (which is not really anywhere near a coast, in fact, it's in a mountain range) got hold of a literal "beast of the deep". Chunin gate guards don't exactly go on wild countryside expeditions. Kaminari no Kuni is not landlocked, but it has little to no affiliation to water-related or navy-related things.

[Shōko]

Contract spot is a personal summon.

In the past, it was mandated that it needs to be a summon that few can gain access to. I have no intention of sharing it. If I change my mind, its easy enough to add another line, and thus another user to the post.


Selecting an individual species of octopus doesn't seem quite right, as that means I cannot add other types to the contract in the future, but whatever. I have selected the giant pacific octopus.

Flavor text is just flavor text.

Sound of the Deep
That's fine and completely understood.

Supreme Unknown
Don't see why that is important.

He has tentacles. They are basically fingers without bones. Hand seals should be fine.

Techniques with clarifiers: The restrictions are to indicate that it is not possible for these techniques to be used without the summon being in their combination state, or by the summon. The summoner cannot learn and use them without the combination technique. As this is the only way that the summon can actually fight anyone, and does so at greatly reduced effectiveness, it should be fine.

Tweaked the genjutsu as requested.

Kai is whatever. I can buy that anytime.

Bringer of Fear: I understand it is up to everyone to play it how they see fit.

Deception Inception: I'm not sure what you're looking at - or I'm looking in the wrong place, but it mentions only that the bell can substitute its vibrations in place of auditory cues, I don't think there is a mention of visual anything?

Resistance is Futile: Despite the name, it is perfectly able to be resisted if they can avoid the genjutsu trigger, as with any genjutsu. That I do understand.

Indestructible: I'm a bit leery about adding the requested vulnerability as that immediately makes it weaker than any similar-tier counterpart, which is counterintuitive to taking up an SA on durability. Also, I cannot fathom many situations in which the bell is going to be used underwaater, as 99% of the RP takes place on land. Even if they were to submerge the battlefield, then they have other issues. I will consider alternatives, but I will not make my item statistically inferior in durability to something that is not using an SA to counter it's durability. That just doesn't make sense.

Wouldn't worry about the lore about how they get the contract until we get to the actual character. That part isn't important here.

[Han]

The site has a rule you must select either a genus or below (in this case a species). There is not anything "not quite right" about it.

Flavor text is not just flavor text - you need to know that it cannot do anything in combat or in real-life situations. I asked you to change the appearance to focus more on the actual physical traits. Remove all mentions of "striking fear" into anyone. And that whole last paragraph of the appearance sounds like an extra ability that you tried to slip in. In fact, it reads like a mythical creature bit, so remove it. Once again, focus on actual physical attributes. I know nothing about this octopus aside from the fact that it is big.

Remove all mentions of the eclipse and full moon, this isn't negotiable. You can do whatever you want "once a month". But in this case, because time is fluid on the site you're implying you can select any day you want in a month that is a full moon when it is convenient.

Those chosen are granted the great one's gifts, and *in their times of need, even great power*.

Remove, as it sounds like a pseudo-jinchuuriki line.

Tentacles are not fingers without bones. Especially not on a large octopus. They are haphazardly and not anywhere near as dexterous as a set of ten fingers capable of carefully performing intricate seals. Add a hand seal SA.

"Shin'en no Ban'nin is particularly well-suited to combat possessing exceptional strength and durability."
He will have be half as powerful and half as durable as someone with dedicated durability and/or strength SA.

If these jutsu are not the techniques of the summon on their own, then you must app these techniques as shinobi techniques, separately from this app. Then, link them in this app once they are approved + you must purchase them. Once that is done you must include the caveat that the beast can only do these techniques in combination, and you mentioned that it would greatly reduce the effectiveness. I need this outlined in every single jutsu, how is the effectiveness changed/reduced drastically.

Furthermore, I'm quite unsure of this combination transformation, as it is a direct way to skirt around both hijutsu and as a result sage position. So I'm unsure if I'm willing to approve the combo transformation at all as it currently is. The summon could be re-workable, but not with the combo henge, unless you include the combination transformation jutsu already built into the site, you may do this, but you would have to summon the creature and THEN transform.

I would also like to know how this combination transformation looks.

Shokushu no seichō - The tentacles possess the traits of the Lord of the Deep, *including exceptional strength, durability, and the ability to heal over a period of time.* These are all special abilities, including the ability to heal over time. Make it an SA or remove it.

"Strength waning somewhat", at 300 meters, the strength should be waning more than "somewhat". Remove or change to something more feasible like "significantly" or "enough to allow escape".

Bringer of Fear: If you understand this, please add into the description that no one can be forced to feel a certain way due to this bell.

Deception Inception: I am pointing out that the genjutsu you listed above this Bell is visual genjutsu. So how would that work in tandem with this bell? The concept isn't synonymous. Furthermore, I'm still against the use of vibrations. You can't just say "you feel vibrations = you're in a genjutsu". So this needs to be significantly re-worked to something more tangible that affects the senses the trigger needs to be tangible and avoidable in some manner. Vibrations aren't technically avoidable.

Resistance is Futile: If you understand it, then please include that in the description of the genjutsu. That you have to keep re-using chakra to re-apply the genjutsu, and the person has to be caught in it repeatedly.

Indestructible: If you're summoning an octopus with a bell from underwater, it's going to come up wet. Regardless of whether the scene is underwater or not. I never said anything about submerged, rather that it would be wet and thus heat would be difficult to apply since fire would be significantly dampened. What I am asking is not making the bell statistically inferior. I'm asking you to change it to legendary weaponry, and extreme kinetic force of *equal rank*. An S-Rank individual with a strength SA or an S-Rank legendary blade w/ cutting or enhanced ability should be able to damage the bell. Your implications are that it can only be damaged *kind of* by fire and nothing else.

I also want to note, that this bell would not be allowed to "regenerate" in the same combat thread in which it is being used. Only after a period of time can it fully regenerate once the octopus has been sent away back to its home.

I'm asking for an explanation, I'm not asking for you to tell me that we should get to the actual character. It's important because I need to understand how it would happen. As it currently stands, I wouldn't allow for your character to have this summon outright without getting it ICly in a way that makes sense. With an NPC mod or GM on a decently high-ranking mission - I don't think you'd come across a god-like S-Rank summon on a C-Rank mission.

I saw you made some changes, but everything I outlined in my first review is in fact something I want you to change. Though as I addressed the combination technique is still an issue, so for that reason, you need to figure out something different as it bypasses hijutsu and sages. You may replace it with something else but then all those techniques will in fact belong to just the summon. There are many routes to go about this, but the summon in general is quite complicated and has a lot of mechanical issues that need to be totally re-worked for it to be even remotely playable.

[Shōko]

Alright, made some adjustments.

Octopus as a species/genus. Octopus is actually a genus!

I've adjusted the flavor text to remove some ambiguous aspects. There is one thing I left on there which is the pieces cut off become something else that acts independently. I plan to make lower-rank versions of this summon to represent those, if possible, much like how Katsuyu creates smaller versions of herself - an ability that actually makes more sense on an octopus than a slug.

Octopus are also able to heal back to basically normal from any non-lethal wound given time, hence the mention of being able to heal. When I first started making the summon I verified with staff at the time that because its not practical or relevant to any actual thread it didn't need to be an SA since it takes so long to actually happen.

I removed and adjusted the eclipse and full moon stuff to instead account for the hand seals. I'm not 100% on board with how that works since a lot of summons can use techniques and don't have hands, such as the leech contract. Likewise, my Hyenas I made didn't require an SA to be able to use techniques and hand seals. I combined the implied ability to adjust to a humanoid form.

Durability/strength is just what it is. That's all good.

The technique thing keeps tripping me up. I keep trying to write them in a way that might not be the right way to do it. What I'm doing is trying to ensure that the techniques require either the summon using them, the summon using them in the transformation technique, or the shinobi learning them and using them on their own. I'm not trying to imply that they are able to be used by the summoner on their own without purchase. I've tried to adjust the application to reflect that a little better but I'm open for guidance on how to approach that.

I'm not entirely sure how to go about how it looks. I would imagine it would be rather subjective and based upon who is using the combination transformation. Originally, I envisioned a minor blend of physical traits, though looking mostly like the summoner (as Shin'en no Ban'nin is able to replicate humanoid forms for SA).


Adjusted the tentacle thing. As the tentacles are part of the summon, they should just operate with the summon's attributes, right?


Deception Inception: I thought you were referring to the bell specifically, so I was confused. Sound is vibrations, and the bell is gigantic. It's going to put out a lot of sound. Avoiding it wouldn't be easy to start with. However, with the changes to the bell itself, it can now be rendered inoperable which might make up for it. I don't know. 

Resistance is Futile: Adjusted the wording, also adding some notes to the summon relevant genjutsus.

Indestructible: Changed to Permanent, which I think you saw. Adjusted to being repaired between summons only.


This summon was originally to be part of a cursed seal plot. However, at that time, Moro was all-but-approved for one and I did not know it. She was also going to use *all* of the slots, which left no room for me so I had to adjust. I think it would still work better as a cursed seal, but whatevs. I've also tried to suggest having the soul bond technique added to the SW&A list in lieu of making a Hijutsu clan as I really don't want to go through the work to make another clan if I can avoid it.

Until the it is determined how I can actually make it work, I can't really say how it would be acquired. If I am to make it a Cursed Seal, then it would be detailed in a write up application for that. I just need to get the summon into an approvable state before I worry about how a character is going to acquire the contract.

I want to make summoning interesting and worthwhile. As it stands, summons are often a massively wasted bit of potential for the site as they cannot grow on their own and require full-price investments from the contract holder(s) which is often not worthwhile or appealing (as far as I can tell). 

I've been trying really hard to make something work that isn't just the normal summon and go because that's not particularly inspiring. I understand that sages are big with their summons and stuff, but they're also apparently locking down basically anything with summons that isn't the traditional use which is rather frustrating, especially since the initial idea was given to me by a sage on the site.

I just don't want to make a clan. That's a huge responsibility and a lot of stress. I've done it before and I'd not want to do it again. A hijutsu merely serves to make a technique that anyone can learn something that can only be learned or taught by that clan. There are other ways to restrict the overall access to the technique that don't require a massive clan-creating investment, part of why its a personal summon. That also restricts it to a limited number of people in the same way a Hijutsu does. Likewise, the summon is the only one that can teach the special techniques. It fulfills the same end goal and function without needing to make a clan for it.

[Han]

As discussed, until you decide on how you would like to continue, and if you would like to continue with this review at all, we are going to temporarily remove this from notify.