[Lady Kazui]

Chidori NAME: Chidori: Uchikudaku [Thousand Bird: Crush] RANK: A CHAKRA USAGE: Very High CLASSIFICATION: Ninjutsu ELEMENT: Raiton HANDSEALS: 0 TRIGGER: REQUIREMENT: Chidori | Chakra Control | Enhanced Speed SA | Jonin+ DESCRIPTION: Knowing that she lacks the true brute strength that most other shinobi are known to possess, Kazui created a work around with one of her patented techniques, the chidori. While no handseals are required, the user must deliberately focus on gathering and molding their raiton chakra, charging themselves up in a sense - amplifying and reinforcing their physical capabilities. The rush of chirping chakra being a dead give away and alert of the attack to come. Wrapping her body in the lightning of chidori, beaming blue chakra propels the girl forward at blistering speeds that are extremely difficult for even established elites to keep track of, yet in a pure linear zip-zap. Much faster than either parent technique at the cost of a more heftier chakra usage (though a running start isn’t required). As she approaches her target however, she uses her chakra control to focus all of the lightning and charged up power into her shoulder, down the length of her arm, and out through her fist by way of a heavy and destructive blow. What’s unique about this technique however is the change in property as the chidori is focused into a blunt punch rather than a sharp blade. Alongside her expertise and finesse with chakra control, with a direct strike landing she would send the dense lightning forward flushing through her target - rushing through every inch of them but most importantly their internal organs before withering out on the opposite side as whatever behind them absorbs the remaining force from the mightiful blow - the powerful stream of lightning damaging them more so internally rather than externally. In theory, the user could punch through a plate of heavy armor leaving it mostly undisturbed while still sending literal shockwaves through - heavily cratering and destroying the earth beneath it. The power behind the strike as well as the high levels of raiton being so concentrated however makes this technique truly lethal as even a single clean strike could sneak through formidable natural defenses as well as chakra-infused defenses and cause massive destructive damage.

[Toff E]

This is solidly middling for me. There are many aspects that would need toning down just for this to be made into a normal technique falling the chidori line, the largest being this most certainly reads as an S-Rank on a power scale. Outside of that, however, its far more notable that this as written is very much a personal technique even if its not labelled as one, and it should if the idea is Kazui created this technique from scratch!

Playing off that I am going to give a list of suggestions to start with to tone down what is happening here to be A-Rank level. That does not mean it will not also need inherent flaws as a personal technique, but those are far more easily overcome.


Changes for A-Rank:


Chakra Usage: Likely fine, though I would note that this likely means that its not getting used more then twice based on its requirements.


Hand seals: Literally nothing in the Chidori package lacks hand seals and this is absolutely no exception to the rule, I would at least give this five hand seals and thats a bare minimum.


Requirements: What defines this as a conversation of changes rather then a denial. I would change the Ninjutsu Spec or SA to Raiton Mastery or Chidori Prowess in specific as SA requirements. This would better explain this considering the packages require you be of the spec in the first place to learn them. Remove both of the rank requirement mentions this is partially as trade off but also because I find the prospect kind of out of place here even if its a personal to rank lock it. If this is the same rank and faster then normal Chidori it should also likely require Enhanced Speed as an SA to learn it. That would make it a minimum of 3 SAs for anyone to learn which gets you pretty close to that Chunin+ anyways but it does open for some very specific genin builds to reach this as well if they really want to. Should be reasonable in that regard.


Description: The gathering bit is actually a good factor here for the techniques health and should definitely stay.


'The rush of chakra being a dead give away and alert of the attack to come.' - I would also mention it being just as loud as chidori as that is a main stay of the technique, not really an up or downside but rather a flavor point that was always part of this to me.


'Wrapping her body in the lightning of chidori, beaming blue chakra propels the girl forward at blistering speeds that are extremely difficult for even established elites to keep track of, yet in a pure linear zip-zap. Much faster than either parent technique at the cost of a more heftier chakra usage (though a running start isn’t required).' - I understand the first bit is more descriptive then anything, but it sounds a lot like LRA in my reading and likely shouldn't actually be that way at all. Given this is a technique about control I can see it more easily following the route of concentrated power on a point then it being spread all over.

Is this technique still straight dash only? It would read so, but I also read zip-zap as zipping back and forth which would mean this has a bit more mobility then normal chidori, not a bad idea if this was all it was changing but this is more just asking for clarity if it is that or not.

'Alongside her expertise and finesse with chakra control, with a direct strike landing she would send the dense lightning forward flushing through her target - ripping through every inch of them but most importantly their internal organs before withering out on the opposite side as whatever behind them absorbs the remaining force from the mightiful blow - the powerful stream of lightning damaging them more so internally rather than externally.' - So this technique is about internal damage? I gather as much from the next bit, but just from a reading perspective the next chunk is far clearer about what is actually going on then here. Id condense and clean up the wording for better clarity.


'The power behind the strike as well as the high levels of raiton being so concentrated however makes this technique truly lethal as even a single clean strike could sneak through formidable natural defenses as well as chakra-infused defenses and cause massive destructive damage.' - Highlighting this portion as I think its where this technique as a whole lays its gambit down. Following the basic jutsu creation rules: "Technique is specialized and may kill/injure/maim many people at once. However, the technique has holes, is avoidable, or can be dodged, though it may have incredible power similar to an S-rank. The technique is hard to break, but not unbreakable. Usually, the technique will have a high chakra cost." - As written this technique seems to have almost no holes in its defenses and given again this should be personal those flaws weigh doubly so for how the technique functions. I would really look into how you would counter-balance this as it currently feels like it has none on a series of re-reads.


'(It should be noted that withdrawing from the attack will only have a penalty of wasting a medium amount of chakra since the jutsu wouldn’t be completed thoroughly.)' - Remove this. This is less a suggestion and more saying so from my end. The largest glaring issue with an otherwise balancable technique is this single clarification at the bottom. It is also easily the quickest bit to re-adjust to get this review really started so this can be judged better for approval or denial.

[Lady Kazui]

I would like to say that while Kazui did create the technique, doesn’t make it personal it’s just very niched down and is an addition to the chidori package this is literally how I write majority of my jutsu, my character will play a part in it. Anyone who meets the requirements can get it.

Chakra: Yeah Yeah, I know.

Handseals: Yall are just flavor killers, there’s no mechanical difference between going thru 5 handseals and taking the time to focus and mold the chakra (the latter being the slower and more obvious tell-tell signs of the two) literally makes no difference. The jutsu is nin-tai which is why I went no handseals like the rest of them.

Requirements: I don’t think a raiton mastery would typically be needed, it’s not that advanced of a move as more so it’s a focus on the control and change of chakra shape. I guess I can see the speed SA though Chidori itself is a speedy jutsu already, so keep that in mind.

Description: it’s a chidori technique I figured the sound would be a given, the lightning "wrapping” around her body would be more "dancing around” her body like chidori - it’s literally no different than chidori.

The zip-zap literally says linear lol, she zips from her spot and zaps towards the target.

I’ll also note, LRA isn’t the only ability that can focus lightning around/throughout their body, they create a cloak of lightning which is specifically focused on armor before anything else. So no someone having a lightning jutsu that focuses on amplifying the users physical ability does not step on LRA’s toes.

Yes the damage sustained is mostly internal, the force would still damage the world around them though.

The chidori has great mobility (you don’t even have to move) i don’t see why you would think otherwise lol, but this is just a linear attack. The rush of chakra, the linear movement (there is no changing direction or chasing), along with the fact that it’s a up close and personal punch - these are the holes of the technique nothing about this jutsu says it’s unbreakable. Dodge the punch, tada you survived. I know it’s not S Rank..but it’s still A Rank and would still be a difficult jutsu to overcome, so it’s written as such plus it’s a chidori technique.

Again I’ll like to reiterate that this is, on a base level, the exact same jutsu as chidori but served up as a focused power punch and outpour of chakra rather than stabbing the lightning thru someone’s chest. it’s also faster - but it also costs more chakra to pull off. Which is why I stated the chakra penalty for missing, if someone misses the punch then they wouldn’t be outpouring their chakra and thus wouldn’t be spending a VERY HIGH amount.