[Kasumi Momochi]

Momochi Clan Ninja are valuable tools of their Village CLAN TYPE: Hijutsu CLAN ORIGIN: Mizu no kuni CLAN RESIDENCE: Kirigakure CLAN IDEOLOGY The Momochi clan has historically devoted themselves to being tools for the village of Kirigakure. They’ve been devoted to the rules of ancient shinobi for a long time, but recently have found that the new wave of teaching doesn’t conform to their beliefs. Now, they train with classic methods that can be considered brutal to most villages, with full contact sparring starting at a young age and violence and emotions driving their strength, even against allies in friendly spars. They want to create shinobi that match the more classical definition of the soldiers. Ruthless and emotionless tools, to be used as weapons that fight for the better of their and their villages interests; in that order. To them, service and duty is the highest reward. They feel that a mission well done is it's own reward. Loyalty to classical shinobi beliefs and their own village are the driving force behind the clans internal structure. Their general rules are as follows: 1: The village and their mission comes first. Friendships and sentiments come second. 2: The wellness of the people of Kirigakure are the most important. Above all else. Missions that do not comply with this thought need to be brought up to the clan. 3: Never reveal to the enemy the secrets of the village. CLAN HIERARCHY The Momochi clan is one whose leadership stems from strength and discipline. Every other year, there is an annual festival at the clan grounds where any member is allowed to challenge the head in hand to hand combat to attempt to usurp the title from him. Generally, there are few challengers, as the clan heads are powerful shinobi. Every year they grow older, though, and as they do the younger members may seek glory. There are, however, advisor positions. Each of these are meant for specialists. The specialists generally are the best in the clan at what they do, but they are a valuable resource for teaching and theory of these arts. One exists for weapons, and another for Jutsu. While the advisors aren't directly in charge of the decision making processes for the clan, they are generally consulted in new trainings or induction processes for the clan. They can only be replaced by the clan head. CLAN HISTORY The Momochi clan is an old one, despite never being high ranking. They existed in small numbers at the founding of the villages, and devoted themselves to the more ancient ways of training soldiers. With ruthlessness and little room for negotiation. This made them useful soldiers, though never gave them the leeway to chase after the power to be in the legislation. It was simply more convenient for the village that the clan remained a source for shinobi. This was no issue with the leaders of the clan, though. Instead, they enjoyed their life as a training camp of sorts for the shinobi forces. They created great soldiers, but always had a reputation for being killers. The type of soldier to get their hands dirty and ask no questions. This, along with their strange chakra transformations, led to rumors that the clan was possessed by demons. The only repeated complaint about their soldiers was that sometimes they went too far, eliminating even possible witnesses and securing their presence not noticed by the enemy. Recently, during the civil war that broke out in Kirigakure, they took arms to defend the village and the ideals that they believed in the most. The fighting of a civil war did weaken the clan that focused on soldiers, but it far from crippled them. The training of their new soldiers only became more ruthless from this point on, making even some of the clan elders wonder if what they had been doing was appropriate. The breaking point, however, was when the village elders found out about a secret exam that the Momochi clan had started to incorporate. They called it the Bloody Mist Trial. When their soldiers came of age, but before being promoted to Genin, the clan would hold no holds barred tournaments among the children. They would fight one on one, either to the death or to complete unconsciousness. Some died, but many were unable to continue their careers as shinobi. When the Village elders found out the wretched competition that they were performing, they publicly condemned the practice and outlawed it outright. This had the effect of bringing to light the brutality that the Momochi had been doing for all this time, and many in the village considered them heartless monsters that slay even their own kin. The Momochi Clan, on the other hand, took the punishment in public silence. Some viewed their methods as a necessary evil. Some viewed themselves as being lost in ambition. Either way, things were due for a change. The Bloody Mist trials ceased, but the training persisted. Some of the members who supported the trials were given some solace when, only eight months after the war ended, the tailed beast Sanbi chose to strike the village. The battle was costly, but not to the Momochi clan. Their newly hardened soldiers, though fighting against the beast as best as they could, suffered not a single casualty. To this day, the Momochi clan still produces reliable shinobi, despite what rumors may spread of sacrifice and mistreatment in the dark. CLAN ABILITIES Momochi Hijutsu - Demon Chakra: Members of the Momochi clan are known for their large chakra pool. Compared to their peers, they have a large amount of chakra, thus making it possible for them - even their youngsters - to use more chakra demanding jutsus, and to persist in battle for far longer. However, that’s not the only particularity of their chakra. When in a dire situation, the members of this clan are capable of releasing their chakra, which in turn takes a strange color unlike the normal blue color of chakra, and takes the form of a demon figure. The Momochi is then enveloped in a demon shroud. This ability grants them a fierce looking aura, that may come off as intimidating and a tenacity to push beyond their normal limits physically- nearly doubling their physical strength and when this mode is activated, a Momochi is harder to knock out or kill and will generally fight for longer than a normal body is capable of. They still feel all the pain, but have the tenacity to endure it without going unconscious. After the adrenaline wears off though, the Momochi will find themselves exhausted. CLAN MEMBERS Clan Leader - Open Weapon Specialist - Open Jutsu Specialist - Open Shinobi Representative - Open Genin Representative - Momochi Kasumi

[Haru]

I will review this.

[Haru]

Hi There!

I apologize for the delay and I thank you for your patience for this review.

Now in general the clan is good, there's some solid foundation to work with, but there will need to be some expansion as well clarification.

Clan Ideology

Solid and simply, not all ideologies need to be super complicated but I feel that just making them consider themselves tools might lead to a growing resentment as time passes. Usually such convictions of a clan as guised in noble intentions like "duty and loyalty are their own reward" thus making it easier for the younger generations to accept the idea that their ultimately loyalty if to the village. Take this more as a suggestion. 

Clan Hierarchy

Aside this method of choosing clan leaders, are there not other positions, no elders, no mentors? Having a clan that is lead by the strongest is fine, but perhaps a little bit more of context would enrich its lore. 


Clan Abilities

As it stands the ability to create an oppressive aura from the seemingly demonic chakra can't be used as it is written as you really can't force people to be intimidated. You can certainly keep the 'shroud' and the large chakra reserves for the clan, perhaps you could make a flare that is being showed when in active use or the clan has a faint consistent effect of a genjutsu that creates this aura. 

Please address this and I will be more than happy to give another review. 

[Haru]

1/2

[Yamato]

Clan Ideology:
Just a bit of a typo I'm assuming in the last sentence of the first paragraph?
"Ruthless and emotionless tools, to be used as weapons that fight for the better of their and their villages interests; in that order."

I'd definitely like for you to be more clear in the latter half of this section, specifically the general rules. If the wellness of the people of Kirigakure is the 'most important' then it'd be prudent to put that as the first general rule. Though looking at this rule in particular, I feel as though it doesn't mesh so well with the statement that the Momochi wish to be the 'tools of the village.' Brutality, loyalty, 'being tools': these are all descriptors that give off the impression that the Momochi would be more loyal to the establishment of Kirigakure, the military hierarchy and shinobi, as opposed to the commonfolk of the village especially considering just how split the village was during the Kirigakure Civil War. At the end of the day, you can write their loyalties however you wish, but please 

Clan History:
To be perfectly frank, I believe you've gotten the wrong impression of our site's depiction of Kirigakure. Kirigakure is already quite brutal and has a reputation for being ruthless. Many of the things that you've written for the Momochi certainly would come off as cruel to some of the other villages, but would barely make some of the other Kiri clans bat an eye. I strongly suggest that you read the Kirigakure timeline if you haven't already, as well as skim a bit on the other clans that are already approved before making changes to the Momochi clan's history.

Clan Abilities:
As interesting of a concept as this ability is, I'm afraid that there is very little of it that is approvable. On this site we do not allow multiple different clans to share the same abilities. There are some things that are simply universal that any clan can claim is a common trait among its members (such as members of the Uzumaki clan typically having larger chakra pools), and of course there will sometimes be a small amount of overlap, but for the most part we aim to ensure that each clan's primary ability is unique. Specifically, the enhanced tenacity and strength of this clan encroaches on few other existing clans, such as the Futago, Takeda, and Kyobo. That isn't to say that this clan is to be denied, however. I do think the concept of an 'aura' that 'intimidates' is unique, though it'll most likely have to be written in a way that puts it more in line with genjutsu. If this sounds acceptable to you, or if you'd just like to discuss other ways to make this ability work, feel more than free to contact me or Yoshiko for discussion in PM's or through discord.