[Sunshine (OOC)]

Aeru Hijutsu NAME: Sabaku no Seishin: Senjiui [Spirit of the Desert: Vibrant Display of the Vicissitudes of Life] RANK: E CHAKRA USAGE: Very Low CLASSIFICATION: Ninjutsu ELEMENT: – HANDSEALS: – DESCRIPTION: The user will flood their chakra into available sand to change the color from its natural light brown color to anything on the visible spectrum, from white to black and anything in between, and even neon. Alternatively, the user can change the color to be a variegation (gradient) of a variety of colors. While this serves no combat purpose whatsoever, it allows users to express their creativity when using the clan's hijutsu. It can however potentially allow a user's sand and by extension, their techniques, blend in better to certain surroundings by changing colors to match a given environment should they find themselves outside of Sunagakure/Kaze no Kuni. NAME: Sabaku no Seishin: Jatasa Nayaku [Spirit of the Desert: Wicked Chains Suffering Torment] RANK: B CHAKRA USAGE: Medium (drain) CLASSIFICATION: Ninjutsu ELEMENT: – HANDSEALS: 14 REQUIREMENT: Genin+ Sabaku no Seishin: Makihige [Spirit of the Desert: Tendril] DESCRIPTION: The user gathers nearby sand before forming it into a mass of chains covered in thousands of sharp spikes reminiscent of the Uzumaki's hijutsu. Roughly as strong as obsidian or jade, each chain is quite difficult to break, allowing them to endure a significant amount of damage/force before cracking or breaking. As well, the spikes that adorn each and every link are easily capable of piercing through the human body and weaker metals with ease. By slamming one's hands on the ground, the user can manipulate the chains to extend up to a whopping 36 meters (120 feet) from their location. Primarily used as a method of restraining or piercing a target, one must ensure at least 3 chains are used to restrain a target due to being stronger together. Once captured the chains can quickly tighten around a target, making escape particularly painful as they are not only constricted by also punctured with a multitude of holes from the spikes. Alternatively, the user can manipulate the chains under the sand in order to create a surprise attack. Naturally, there are 2 caveats: 1) due to the wide area that can be affected, the user must keep their hands buried in order to maintain the technique, and as a result cannot use any other techniques during this time. 2) The number of chains as well as how many individuals a person can restrain depends on one's rank, and as such, the more skilled someone is, the more creative one can be in its usage. Genin — 2 chains created/manipulated Chūnin — 5 chains created/manipulated Special Jōnin — 8 chains created/manipulated Jōnin — 11 chains created/manipulated Elite Jōnin — 14 chains created/manipulated NAME: Sabaku no Seishin: Ikejitafude [Spirit of the Desert: Vigorous Disintegrating Tongue Spewing] RANK: B CHAKRA USAGE: Medium/High? (drain) CLASSIFICATION: Ninjutsu ELEMENT: – HANDSEALS: 10 REQUIREMENT: Sabaku no Seishin: Tōhogaryū [Spirit of the Desert: Voluminously Flowing Merry Dragons] OR Sabaku no Seishin: Inokusa Neomaja [Spirit of the Desert: Vicious Twisting Serpent] DESCRIPTION: Description NAME: Sabaku no Seishin: Tōhogaryū [Spirit of the Desert: Voluminously Flowing Merry Dragons] RANK: A CHAKRA USAGE: High (Low drain) per dragon | Medium (sandblaster breath) CLASSIFICATION: Ninjutsu ELEMENT: – HANDSEALS: 18 REQUIREMENT: Large Chakra Reserves SA DESCRIPTION: The user gathers nearby sand before forming it into a number of dragons which the user can manipulate to do a variety of tasks. Each creature is roughly 22 meters (75 feet) long and 5 meters (16 feet) thick, and can be formed with wings which can measure up to 33 meters (110 feet) long. Naturally each dragon is equipped with a quintet of razor-sharp horns on their head; hundreds of dagger-like teeth and four powerful claws (are each as large a grown adult and strong enough to restrain a bear without breaking) as hard as stone and capable of mangling and shredding most things caught within; a lashing tail covered in a multitude of deadly spikes; and thousands of sharp scales that act as both a weapon and a shield. As a result each dragon's body becomes a deadly arsenal from which the user can manipulate either directly, by riding atop the head of one, or by using flowing body movements and hand gestures akin to shadow puppetry. Each dragon is able to be used as a medium for other clan hijutsu. Additionally, the user can may manipulate a single dragon at a time to spew a cone of continuous, highly pressurized sand that can reach up to 12 meters (40 feet) and 5 meters (16 feet) at its widest point, which is capable of easily shearing off skin, muscle, and tendons off a body within [2 rotations] of exposure, wood and stone in [3 rotations], bone in [4 rotations], and steel in [5 rotations]. Due to the complexity of the dragons and their various abilities, they are notably less durable and are much more susceptible to bludgeoning and slashing attacks. NAME: Sabaku no Seishin: Inokusa Neomaja [Spirit of the Desert: Vicious Twisting Serpent] RANK: S CHAKRA USAGE: Very High (drain) | High (sandblaster breath) CLASSIFICATION: Ninjutsu ELEMENT: – HANDSEALS: 35 REQUIREMENT: REQUIREMENT: Large Chakra Reserves SA Sabaku no Seishin: Tōhogaryū [Spirit of the Desert: Voluminously Flowing Merry Dragons] DESCRIPTION: Using a massive quantity of sand, the user will manipulate and shape it into a massive serpent, 100 meters (328 feet) long and 20 meters (65.6 feet) thick. Possessing The serpent besides being quite massive is capable of crushing most in its wake and being frighteningly durable, able to withstand all but the most powerful [Wind Release] and [Water Release] techniques. Due to the blistering speed at which the structure rotates, the user is granted a crude form of flight via extending the massive cobra-like hood as well as a high vantage point to attack from. The serpent possesses thousands of teeth, dozens of talon-tipped legs, and numerous fins along its arms are back each 3 meters (10 feet) long which are compacted to the hardness and sharpness of steel, allowing the ability to shatter wood, crush stone, and pulverize steel with moderate effort. The serpent is composed of 2 layers: the 1st layer, the external portion, consists of constantly churning, razor-sharp scales, making it incredibly difficult to damage the structure with physical force as the scales can grind up many physical substances in moments, as well as allowing it to reform if damaged like sand filling an hourglass. The 2nd layer, the internal portion, is a sort of pseudo-skeleton fashioned after a snake composed of a thousands of ribs and a skull, and are compressed so densely that devastating physical attacks, particularly piercing methods, are generally the only way to destroy them and reach the user inside. Due to the nature of the pseudo-skeleton, the user can transport allies or trap enemies and crush them inside. Additionally, the user can protect oneself should a trapped target be able to fight the compression but severing a number of ribs, effectively allowing the user to cut off part of the body like a skink in order to escape safely. For long range attacks, the user can either manipulate the serpent’s tail to strike someone or, by performing the dragon seal, cause the serpent to spew a high-speed blast of continuous sand capable of disintegrating flesh, bone, wood, stone, and even steel like a sandblaster. A direct hit can easily rip off the skin, muscles, and tendons clean off a body after [2 rotations] of exposure. Naturally, due to the sheer amount of sand required, as well as how dense the structure is, the serpent is incredibly heavy and rather slow, creating lots of destruction as it moves but is rather easy to evade for those who are highly skilled. The user typically controls the serpent by riding on the back of the creature usually in a standing position; however, to protect oneself the user can choose to control it from either the dragon‘s head or body. Doing this means the user cannot see the outside world without external help. Due to the sheer strain required to control and maintain the serpent, this technique can only be used [once per thread] and is limited to [10 rotations].

[cocoa]

Sabaku no Seishin: Senjiui [Spirit of the Desert: Vibrant Display of the Vicissitudes of Life]: Negligible marker is unnecessary

Sabaku no Seishin: Jatasa Nayaku [Spirit of the Desert: Wicked Chains Suffering Torment]: 

Hand seals: 14

The scaling here just seems totally wild to me especially considering it remains a Medium cost technique. AS don't have a listing at all, which implies either this needs a Genin+ restriction or AS need a listed restriction. I think you should probably add Genin+ restriction and then scale by 3s for targets restrained for Chuunin-EJ. 5-8-11-14.

Sabaku no Seishin: Tōhogaryū [Spirit of the Desert: Voluminously Flowing Merry Dragons]: I think this is another example of a jutsu trying to do too much. Going to be doing a lot of guttin' here.

Hand seals: 18

"The user gathers nearby sand before forming it into a number of dragons which the user can manipulate to do a variety of tasks (a single dragon is formed for every [1 rotation] spent)." - I'd axe the parenthetical entirely. I also think that there should have to be individual casts for each dragon summoned - I don't think the handseals should be skipped on subsequent summons given the strength and versatility of these dragons. I'd say each cast should be High (Low Drain). 

Decide if the dragon has wings or not so you don't have to specify both variations, as manipulating that much sand or not has some major implications on the jutsu itself's required exertion and materials.

"(this is limited to 1 A-rank, as well as B-rank and below due to the fact that A-rank techiques would take too much chakra from the dragon and cause it to collapse after use). Doing so allows clan hijutsu to cost 1 tier less, but uses up 1 to 4 meters of a dragon's overall size depending on the rank (D: 1m, C:5m, B:10m, A:22m)." This can be axed entirely. This is just getting too statsy and crunchy for this system. The number of jutsu you can use will be balanced by chakra supply.

Sandblaster breath should probably be its own lower-rank jutsu requiring Merry Dragons to be active.

"Regardless of a user's rank, the size of their chakra reserves, or how many dragons the user creates, this technique can be maintained for no more than [10 rotations] and only once per thread, after which the user will be left exhausted and unable to use any clan hijutsu for the remainder of the thread." I'd axe this - like I said above, I think this tech can just generally be balanced by chakra supply.

I'll take a look at the S-rank after you've modified the A-rank because I imagine the edits I've made here will also have some implications for the S-rank and this review is already getting really long

[Sunshine (OOC)]

cocoa I've made your requested edits besides the sandblaster breath. What rank would you think makes sense (B or A, or something different altogether)?

[cocoa]

I think B-rank would be fair for this jutsu level since it's just blasting a cone of sand. It's complicated by needing the dragon active but is simple enough on its own and technically dodgeable (since there's an escape window once the attack begins) that it can probably justify being B.

[Yofie]

It has been two weeks without a response - therefore this is being removed from notify. Please make the requested modifications, and repost in notify when you are ready to move forward.