[Deleted]

a nightmare dressed like a daydream

She wanted the added sensory stimuli removed? Odd. Yoko raised a brow, clearly skeptical with the request. "It's hardly a luxury," she pointed out. "If I remove the incense, you will still be subject to the floral perfume of this room. If the scroll isn't something that you think will benefit your tolerance, however, I can take it down. I offered it as a kindness. Some people favor certain senses over others." She gave a shrug and then took down the tapestry, putting it away in the back storage. When she returned, she looked the woman up and down again before her attention went to the box to decide which tools would be best to start with.

"This may not be the first time you've been tortured, but it will be the first time you've been tortured by me. Everyone has their quirks and specialties. For your safety, I'll stick with more traditional tools for your visit today. I specialize in poisons, but it's too much of a risk to expose you to them. That and my superiors would have a fit if I revealed any of my research to a foreigner. No offense." She smiled apologetically. It would have been so marvelous to witness her creations take hold on someone as special as this woman was. Perhaps another day...

"Would you prefer a blindfold?" she asked. "I have them in various colors. Silk, of course. I can make adjustments until you're comfortable." She glanced at the shelving unit across the room. "If the scents actually bother you, I can offer you a filtering mask. It'd be cloth. They're comfortable, and it will significantly dull your sense of smell. I typically only use them with heavy chemicals." They were effective, at least. Pricey, too, for what they did.

It was sort of odd to be trying to make things so comfortable for Himari's tastes when it was all just leading up to something certifiably horrible. But she wanted the training, and Yoko wasn't one to cut corners.

No notes! ❤ HEX:#f93973 ❤ Mikazuki Aikawa

TEMPbyAi ♥

[Mikazuki Aikawa]

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

"Well, it's an added decoration for me to focus on to help distract myself from the pain, even though I know I could put my attention on just about anything in this room, it does feel like an added form of assistance and I'd like to have the extra challenge," Himari explained simply. It didn't really matter, she supposed. She could have just turned her attention to anything else in the room and decided not to look at the contents of the scroll herself without having to pose a fuss, but then--would Yoko have caught notice of that and thought of her as rude? Himari could probably will herself to avoid the extra accommodations, but she didn't really want to come off as if she was out-right rejecting Yoko's offer to make things... slightly easier. "I recognize you were being kind by setting it up, so I don't mean to be rude, but I think I'd be able to gain more tolerance if I wasn't given as obviously a helpful tool of assistance as you offered me. That's all..."
    It was her first time being tortured by Yoko, yes, Himari could acknowledge that much.
    But it would also be Yoko's first time torturing a jinchūriki, Himari had to imagine.
    And Himari wasn't some beginner. She'd suffered some pretty intense pain, before. Maybe she didn't have the most refined tolerance for pain in the world, but it was still fairly established. The whole point of this was for Yoko to do her worst--not so that Himari could gloat and prove how resilient she was, but to become more and more attuned to pain until she could hold a conversation and retain focus even while undergoing some of the more brutal methods.
    "That's fine, I respect your secrecy," Himari stated blatantly. Although it wasn't like Himari would be able to analyze whatever Yoko was using, and she wouldn't be able to know the secrets of every poison and share that information with her own village (since she didn't plan to tell anyone in Amegakure about this, anyway), she understood the implications. And, besides, even if she didn't know every ingredient that was used for the poisons... she would be extremely familiar with the after effects, and that alone could be a big enough clue when provided to the right person. Himari needed to keep some things secret, she respected that Yoko needed the same.
    "Hmm... A blindfold certainly would be an excellent handicap," Himari mumbled quietly. If you couldn't see anything, you had no choice but to focus more attention on what senses you could--hearing, taste, scent, and touch. Touch, specifically. It would amplify pain and add a factor of fear and unease--since it was even more difficult without visuals to guess what would be done next, and where. "Perhaps in the next session, I could take advantage of that extra challenge. And same with the mask, as well... For now, I think I'd like to try just the basics--being tortured with my usual senses, in a usual sort of setting. My bare ability. Then, later on if you want to ramp up the pain--depending on how far you go today--and removal of senses... I think that'd be excellent." She smiled awkwardly, before adding, "If you're willing to have me for more than one session of this 'training', that is..."
    

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[Deleted]

a nightmare dressed like a daydream

A soft hum followed the other woman's explanation. She did seem to enjoy repeating herself, but Yoko attributed this to nerves. Maybe she was nervous about what was about to happen to her, or about coming across as unappreciative in the way she wouldn't be invited back again, or maybe both. In the end, Himari decided against the blindfold and mask, wanting to keep her exposure neutral to whatever was already present in their environment.

"Very well. We'll progress into sensory deprivation in a future session." And it was in this agreement that she confirmed the woman's other inquiry: She could make additional trips--whatever she wished to do to spur forward her pain tolerance. Yoko didn't mind the idea of her making multiple appearances down here--so long as the beast within her behaved.

Yoko paced around to Himari's other side, grabbing three senbon from her little box of tools. They were, like everything in the box, sterile and spotlessly clean, though she doubted Himari was paying enough attention to notice their condition.

"We'll begin, then. Just say when." There was a lilt of amusement in her tone, and then without further warning--she'd had plenty of build up to it--two of the needles would puncture the woman's lower back, at hard angles roughly an inch from both sides of her spine. The third would be higher, at the base of her neck, sliding in just so to completely dodge vitals but driving directly into extremely sensitive tissue. The two senbon on each side of her spine dug straight into harsh pressure points. It was a very sudden rush of pain that would devolve into a dull ache. The one in her neck would simply hurt whenever she moved her head.

And then, back to the box--which was safely out of kicking distance in the event Himari decided to move around.

No notes! ❤ HEX:#f93973 ❤ Mikazuki Aikawa

TEMPbyAi ♥

[Mikazuki Aikawa]

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

It seemed everything was going smoothly. Yoko was willing to meet up with her again, at least that's what was implied, and if that continued to be the case, Himari would likely continue to meet with her. She wouldn't be in Iwagakure for too long, but a couple of visits wouldn't be the end of the world. And especially not when such a prime opportunity had presented itself to her. Hopefully Yoko wouldn't end up changing her mind. Himari didn't think she would. Even after being tortured... She had a pretty strong will.
    The pink-haired woman grabbed three senbon needles from her tray and moved around Himari, the light tapping of her heels the only indication that she was directly behind the jinchūriki once she was out of eyesight.
    Himari twisted her wrists slightly around the chains, the palms of her hands gripping onto the cool metal links as she prepared herself. She'd want something to grab onto.
    "Go ahead," the jinchūriki encouraged.
    No sooner after, the raven-haired girl immediately felt two sharp jabs in her lower back. Yoko made no hesitation to strike for the nerves and pressure points, it seemed. But, of course, that was to be expected.
    Himari shouted out in pain as the needles dug into her sensitive tissues, her hands gripping tightly onto the chains--knuckles white--when the third needle buried itself into the base of her neck. This time, Himari tried to bite back the noise of pain--significantly quieter than the first, though she still grunted in pain and bit her lip, clenching her jaw and closing her eyes tightly as her breathing deepened. She tried to stay still in an attempt not to further upset the wounds.
    Of course she would use pressure points and nerves. Of course. It should have been expected. Himari was so used to being stabbed, cut, gashed opened--burned, even. She'd received lesser forms of electrocution, had nearly been blown up from point-blank range with a paper bomb. She could handle those kinds of pain--and they were painful. But every type of injury was different. And this was a different kind of pain than she'd experienced in quite some time. Small amounts of physical damage, incredible range of suffering. It was an excellent method. You could do more with less, so to speak.
    And this was likely just the beginning.
    You can handle this, she thought to herself, brows furrowed as she tried to adjust herself to the sensations. When Azami-san pinned you to the ground with her sword--the blade struck through your wrist in-between the bones, directly striking and penetrating the cluster of nerves that meet there along your arm to travel into your hand. That was painful as hell, but even that wasn't as bad as when she impaled you. She struck through the nerves along your spine just like this--just like this. But there was that cutting pain of flesh, too. She took in a deep breath and tried to stabilize herself.
    She was used to pain. And she already had a high tolerance. But she wasn't where she wanted to be yet. Not yet. She needed to have a perfect tolerance. To think clearly even when undergoing torment. To be able to hold a conversation, to make no sounds of pain. That would be ideal. And this was just the beginning. Just the beginning. This wasn't just building up a high tolerance and not holding back in a fight, this was torture. It was going to be on a whole different level. And she'd have to be ready.

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[Deleted]

Himari reacted as expected to the first batch of needles. And that was the key, there--that they were the first. Over time she'd grow used to the needles, so things would need to increase at a steady incline for her to get the most out of things.

Yoko went to her box of tricks and grabbed five more senbon. Standing in front of the woman, she studied her as she hung there, deciding where to hit next. Green eyes were a mix of fascination and indecision.

She took one in her right hand and immediately pierced it up through the woman's neck and throat to rest just against the bottom of her tongue. It would prick her painfully if she tried to talk--or scream. Two more went into her thighs--not pressure points this time, but digging into muscle all the same. The fourth went just above her left hipbone at a downward angle. The fifth followed suit on the other side. Both would stir a deeper pain, grazing against sensitive tissue--but not causing irreparable harm.

"You'll mirror a porcupine by the time we're through," she commented dryly, walking around the woman to return to her box. She rifled through the various instruments, appearing once more to be indecisive. What she was actually doing was giving Himari time to adjust and process things. Overloading her would hurt them both.

Eventually she would decide on another batch of needles. Walking to the middle of room, she stood several feet out behind the other, and would proceed to just...throw them. Target practice upon the other's back. She hit five points between the woman's shoulder blades, what loosely formed a star hugging her vertebrae. Himari would likely feel a tingling sensation--not paralysis, but the tickling of steel against her spinal column to trigger a reverberating effect on her nerves.

---

Mikazuki Aikawa ❤ HEX: #d85266 ❤ no notes

[Mikazuki Aikawa]

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

Yoko continued, which was expected. It was only the beginning of the session, after all. The pinkette made no hesitation to continue further--a sudden jab alerting the jinchūriki as the woman shoved a needle through her throat, from the jaw through the bottom of her mouth. That one hurt like a bitch. Himari, admittedly, was not used to any sort of pain within her mouth area--it'd never been a focal point, before. She still had a high tolerance to pain in general--so she was able to stifle a whimper instead of crying out--but she couldn't deny the sensation was foreign to her.
    The taste of blood in her mouth, however, was not.
    She wouldn't talk, wouldn't respond when Yoko informed her of how the session would go. She'd ultimately be a pincushion by the end of this--which was fine. It was already hurting, but only in those particular places where she'd been struck. Sure, it didn't feel good--and as Yoko continued to insert needles into the jinchūruki's body, first the thighs, then near her hipbones--but Himari could handle it. Even still, she'd had worse. Being impaled with a katana hurt a lot more than stabs to the thigh. Giving birth had been more painful than the needles inserted in the sensitive flesh near her hipbones.
    Even as Yoko tossed more senbon with pinpoint-precision near her spine, not severing the nerves that ran through, but directly lining them. The unrelenting contact between steel and nerve was sending constant signals of waves of pain through her body--but Himari would cope. Even if she had to grunt a little, or bite back noises--even still, she'd endured worse.
    Taking in deep breaths as she closed her eyes--careful not to impale her tongue and keep it as near to the roof of her mouth as she could manage--she tried to remind herself of the day she was sealed. It'd been worse than this by a long shot. She wondered if, by the end of the day, she would still feel the same. Her whole mind would probably be screaming by then, every inch of skin searing in pain--she wondered if being sealed would still have been worse. Supposedly, it was the most painful thing a human could endure. If Yoko didn't hold back in this training session, and truly let the jinchūriki feel the most pain she could dish out--she'd be able to at least put that theory to the test.
    Ironically, with every new flash of pain, with every wave reaching new heights, the thing that Himari tried to focus on to steel her nerves wasn't any random detail in the room, it wasn't trying to think of the face of her lover or happy memories shared under the evening sky.
    It was pain.
    She ran it through her head, again and again--I've had worse. I've had worse. I've had worse. She'd focus on that, and as she tried to remind herself of past suffering, what she endured in this moment didn't feel quite as horrific.

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[Deleted]

There were still more needles in the box--and so more she would throw. The five near the top of her spine would be followed by another seven spaced around the middle--centered between both sides of the woman's waist--and then four to her tail bone. All of these would dig deep just along the bones. And if the woman tried to twist herself around in her suspension, these needles would scrape against her spine further, eliciting a feeling that was mildly uncomfortable at best.

Yoko walked around to the front, ten more needles in hand. Three went to her stomach, four went between a few of her ribs, and the last three would find seemingly random points around her waist--but they weren't random at all, hitting internal joinings of tendons and muscle that would make every movement she made more painful--and that was in addition to the bite of all the steel Himari was already enduring.

What came next would be a new tool from the box. It was a scalpel. But Yoko didn't use it right away, instead going to another part of the room and grabbing a cylinder that she placed on the chair. Pulling the end of it outward revealed a sophisticated wick that she then lit. It was a modernized torch and would burn for hours with the amount of flammable liquid inside.

"It's almost romantic, hm?" she remarked, glancing down at the oversized candle before setting the scalpel's blade upon the flame. This would super-heat the sharp end while keeping the padded grip at a safe temperature. When dragged across flesh, it would burn fiercely as it cut.

Yoko took to humming a tune as she waited for the blade to heat up. And when it was finally hot enough, she lifted it up into clear view of her victim...and went to work.


- FTB -

---

Mikazuki Aikawa ❤ HEX: #d85266 ❤ no notes

[Mikazuki Aikawa]

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

Romantic...? Was she missing something here? What was romantic about the situation they were in--at all? The candles? Were candles romantic?? Himari wouldn't know--she wasn't the romantic type at all. She didn't really even know what romance was, really. Sure, she'd had her own experiences and love, but... it just seemed so different than what was conventional, so she wasn't sure that she and Takao were, at all, "romantic" with one another. At all. So the comment would mostly go over Himari's head. The woman was crazy--of course, Himari was, too--but it wasn't the jinchūriki's primary focus whatever the woman was saying, anyway.
    However, as the woman took a scalpel out from her other tools and equipment--Himari noticed. Oh, boy. So it wasn't just going to be stabbing and pin-pricks after all. The jinchūriki wondered how many scars she'd get out of this session. Probably a lot, if she had to guess. She estimated about how many she already had--but not gathered over the years, rather, immediately and all at once.
    Yoko heating up the blade didn't help, either.
    It wasn't scorching hot enough that Himari thought it would immediately cauterize any cuts it made--so she wouldn't quite get the numbing effect of a third-degree burn that seared nerve endings as it severed them. But, rather, the familiar sting of cuts and gashes with the unpleasant added touch of burning heat.
    This was going to be fun.

---

Himari was breathing heavily. Her chest rose and fell painfully with every gasp of breath--her limbs were shaking, but not as much as her hands. And her white clothing was heavily stained in blood as she'd been cut into time and time again. She hissed with every forced movement--whether it was breathing, or the strain of her muscles as she readjusted her hands in their prisons. Everything hurt. Arms, legs, stomach, chest--it didn't matter. Almost nowhere had been spared, save for her face, it seemed. Yoko hadn't decided to venture there, yet. But, for all Himari knew, this still wasn't the end.
    Her legs trembled as she struggled to keep herself standing--not wanting to give in and fall, causing another eruption of pain throughout every point in her body. Her mind was screaming and she wasn't sure if she'd be able to move or walk afterward if she tried.
    The jinchūriki tried not to flinch as the pink-haired woman grew near once again.

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[Deleted]

It'd been a couple hours and her guest was looking worse for wear. Exposed to cuts, punctures, burns, lashings, and blunt impacts, Himari had weathered a fair storm where it concerned torture. She was bloodied and ragged, and that's exactly what she'd asked for.

Yoko set down her blade--toward the end she'd switched gears into using a specialty knife for just this kind of occasion--and approached the woman, reaching up to undo the bindings that kept her suspended. Either Himari would catch herself on shaking legs or she'd just crumble to the chilled tiles beneath her feet. Yoko stepped back, allowing her a few moments to breathe.

"That's the extent of what I consider a healthy first session," she said matter-of-factly, seemingly neutral toward any pain her guest was still in. "You can relax. I'll heal your injuries if you'll be kind enough to hold still." That in itself was probably a frustrating notion with just how long Himari had been forced to remain in one spot. But it wouldn't be right to let the woman walk out the front door looking as though she'd gotten mauled by some beast.

If Himari allowed, Yoko would kneel next to her and the healing would begin. She pulled out all of the senbon--several dozen of them. And then a steady application of Mystical Palm would begin, starting with the core injuries and working its way outward to her limbs. If the woman reeled from her, however, it would be a very awkward wait on Yoko's part.

---

Mikazuki Aikawa ❤ HEX: #d85266 ❤ no notes

[Mikazuki Aikawa]

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

The pink-haired woman set down the knife she'd been using to further torment the jinchūriki. Himari should have been relieved, but truth be told, she had no idea that it necessarily meant things were over. For all the ravenette knew, the woman was about to take out yet another tool as a means to cause more damage and harm.
    She didn't, though.
    Instead, Yoko moved over to where the jinchūriki was detained and undid the straps chaining her wrists from above. As soon as the restraints were released, Himari's legs gave way beneath her and with a cry of pain she fell to her knees--barely able to catch herself with her hands so as to avoid pushing the numerous needles further into her aching skin. Her arms trembled beneath her weight, her spine screamed as she'd fallen, and it took every ounce of willpower for her not to fully collapse on the ground.
    With shaky breaths, she forced one arm to move up--grabbing at the needle that had been lodged through the base of her neck into her mouth, then ripped it out distastefully. She coughed some, pushing her tongue to the wound from the inside to try stopping the bleeding. She hated the taste of blood. It tasted like her childhood.
    If Yoko didn't immediately begin to start taking out the needles--Himari would. Now that she was free to move, she'd not hesitate to try getting rid of the more painful ones--reaching for those in her back and spine, and those directly striking major nerve endings.
    A healthy first session? So she hadn't even gone all out. Hopefully in the future she wouldn't hold back as much, Himari hoped. The young woman nodded, acknowledging what had been said to her. I can't believe I did it.
    I can't believe you did it, either.
    No, I mean--I didn't lose control at all! I actually did it! I got tortured without accidentally releasing you or even slipping into a cloaked form as a defense mechanism! I'm really proud of that! And I didn't even scream that much!
    Himari wouldn't fight back or turn away from Yoko. This wasn't her first rodeo. She was used to the process. Being hurt, stabbed, undergoing intense pain--back then it'd been borderline torture, or maybe it had been; the girl didn't know what did or didn't qualify. Then, her teacher would sit her down and tend to her injuries so she didn't die or bleed out. Since some of her previous injuries had been... potentially fatal if not dealt with immediately.
    But, to Himari, it didn't matter if Yoko had been the one to inflict all the pain and damage--she was offering to heal the wounds, and Himari would accept. She wasn't going to try running or pushing the woman away. She wasn't afraid of her, and she didn't see Yoko as an enemy or opponent. The woman had simply been helping her. In Himari's eyes, she hadn't done anything wrong, so there wasn't anything to be upset over.
    She'd asked for this.
    It was just training, in her eyes.
    "Thanks," Himari breathed, her voice shaky. It couldn't be helped, all things considered.

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[Deleted]

With no resistance given from Himari, the healing would commence without any issues. Mystical Palm worked quickly enough and with Yoko having been the one to inflict the damages, she had a mental catalog going of every single one that needed addressing--and in which order. That made the recovery portion a breeze. Time consuming, yes. But a breeze nonetheless.

It wasn't until the woman's torso had been fully healed front to back that the pinkette spoke up. "I will accept any proposition to meet in the near future as a follow-up to this session," she told her. "I am a bit surprised that you maintained yourself so well." This wasn't foreign territory to Himari and while the other wasn't exactly comfortable, she'd endured better than most.

"I've made men utter new words entirely just by twisting or jabbing them the right way. You, I think, would be a bit tougher." She moved on to her left shoulder blade and arm, then to the right. The pain that would've been plaguing Himari's flesh, muscles, and joints, would be easing away, leaving her much better off in the areas that'd already been healed.

But there was still a ways to go yet before she'd be able to stand without injury.

---

Mikazuki Aikawa ❤ HEX: #d85266 ❤ no notes

[Mikazuki Aikawa]

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

Himari fully intended to make that proposition for another session. Hell, she'd have come back the next day if Yoko allowed it--though that did raise the question of when their next session could be. Yoko made it sound like she didn't want to meet with Himari tomorrow--but how 'near' was the near future?
    Though, Yoko expressed how she was surprised Himari had done so well in their session. Had she really maintained herself that well? When Yoko compared her to men she'd dealt with in the past, however, it gave her a bit of perspective. Himari knew she had a good pain tolerance, but she didn't realize quite how strong it'd been, perhaps. It almost made her swell with pride.
    Was that something to be proud of, though?
    That she could take more abuse than others?
    "Well, it's not my first time," she tried explaining as the pink-haired woman began handling the jinchūriki's back, a slight smirk on her face, despite everything. "I mean--it's my first time officially being tortured, but my first teacher used to be pretty brutal with me back when I first started my training as a shinobi." Before she'd even become a genin. She'd been a child at the time. "I'm not unacquainted with steel piercing nerves, and flames searing flesh, and chakra cutting into muscle... So I've already got a pretty high pain tolerance, I'd say--" the girl began. She didn't want to go too much into detail, but she knew how to push herself further than most. Stand on broken legs, fight when one arm had nearly been sliced off, not to scream when impaled or stabbed.
    And even before that, too.
    Even before she'd met Azami and Red.
    She knew how to pull herself up to the window when her muscles ached and screamed in protest. Every step took great energy, and she'd nearly pass out if she tried to walk too quickly. She'd start coughing up blood if she tried to run. Her lungs always seemed aflame. Her vision was always blurred, and the rare sunny days nearly blinded her from their sensitivity. She bruised so, so easily, back then.
    But it was nothing.
    It was worth it if it meant she could become a ninja, too. She'd wanted so badly to be a shinobi--it was the only thing she lived for. If she could be strong, if she could be a warrior like her father had been--if she could prove everyone wrong, show the world that she wasn't going to die a meaningless death, but that she could become strong and powerful--then, maybe, just maybe, her mother would love her? It made every moment of pain worth it--but that had been then.
    "But it's not perfect." She could take a beating. Fight with broken ribs, run with an injured leg. But... "I want to get to the point where I can still focus on a jutsu even when undergoing something this severe--or worse. I want to have such a high pain tolerance that nothing can affect me--I can still hold a conversation even when being tortured, and nothing will hold me back in a fight. I still need to be better. It's just not enough, yet... Do you think if we do this enough times I could accomplish something like that? Perhaps? We could even do this again tomorrow if you want--" If she was available.
    Did it matter that she should still be resting and trying to recover from today?
    Not to Himari.

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[Deleted]

The healing continued on. Yoko gave both ears to the woman's story but her eyes remained on her task, moving her chakra into her body and fixing the damages she'd done, one by one and bit by bit. It wasn't something she was rushing but she definitely wasn't taking her time, as they both had other things that needed doing.

Getting to the point of pain tolerance that Himari wanted was, to Yoko, an impossibility, though. There was always pain that would affect someone. Maybe it was physical. Maybe it was mental or emotional. There would always be something capable of distracting someone from a technique or a thought. It was just a matter of appealing to what specifically hurt them. Maybe it wasn't a blade. But there was always something.

"There will always be something that can affect you," Yoko pointed out. "Torture transcends the physical. I could deaden your peripheral nervous system right now but I'd still have a dozen ways I could torture you effectively." There was no emotion in her tone nor was there a threat. "The best you can aim for is a high resistance. But you're still human and with a normally functioning body you'll have to accept that there is only so much tolerance you can build. You will never hit that ceiling of rendering all physical stimuli null and void. On that note? I can't do tomorrow. But I have a free afternoon next Tuesday. How long are you visiting?"

If Himari was only in Iwagakure for a very limited time frame, that would lessen exactly how many sessions they'd be able to commit to.

---

Mikazuki Aikawa ❤ HEX: #d85266 ❤ no notes

[Mikazuki Aikawa]

[googlefont="Playfair Display"][googlefont="Alice"]

I'm scared that you'll compare and I'll look a lifetime past repair

Yoko... had some good points, she supposed. Though it was a shame to hear. Really? She'd never be able to get a perfect tolerance for pain? Surely there had to be some sort of limit. Something that was the ultimate amount of torture a human could endure. Surely... right? "I'd heard the sealing process for a jinchūriki was the most painful experience a human could endure. I assumed that meant there was some sort of limit to what a person could experience pain-wise." She'd hope to be able to get to that level. Have such a high pain tolerance that even if--even if she somehow was placed under a genjutsu that recreated the most painful thing she'd ever experienced that--even then--she'd be able to keep her wits about her.
    Gyūki did it to her in her sleep all the time, but she usually woke up paralyzed.
    The goal was that she could endure even that--supposedly the most amount of pain and suffering someone could--and still function. Still walk away, or hold a conversation and process thought and keep her control.
    "But I don't need to not feel anything." She frowned, slightly. Though, considering her body was still trying to recover from Yoko's session--maybe it was just that and not the unpleasant memory. Saya hadn't felt much pain, at all. The woman had been ripped open and didn't even flinch. Could place her hand in a burning fire. She'd had her nerves seared. "I just need to be able to withstand anything."
    She didn't want what Saya had.
    She didn't want to not feel the pain. Pain was important. She just didn't want to let it stop her. To not let it hinder her--even a little.
    "I don't need to render it dull and void. Just have so much control over myself even despite agony that it doesn't affect me, even if it's still present there and screaming." She'd glance over her shoulder to where Yoko was working on her back. The gentle waves of chakra eliminating the pain as she mended the injuries was pleasant. It was always the nicest part of these sorts of things. She grunted a little and returned her attention to what was directly ahead of her. Focusing mostly on the floor. "You say that there's always something that can affect me, but my point is to not be like every other person you've met. I want to be the exception. Expose myself to every extreme so many times that nothing works, anymore. Someone who can endure anything and everything. No matter how intense." Pain wasn't just physical, she knew. But she'd had enough emotional trauma that she felt she was pretty well-off in that category, too.
    It wasn't perfect. She had her fears.
    But they were few and far between.
    And she'd been subjected to psychological torture, too. Even if it'd only been clones, or genjutsu, or whatever--her teachers had made sure to do their best to steel her mind as a child, too. Not just her body. And you couldn't break a spirit that was already shattered.
    Yoko couldn't meet tomorrow? Bummer. "Um... I'm staying for a bit. Maybe a couple more weeks, or so... Tuesday works for me."

OUTFIT

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NOTES

ⒶⓀⒾ of Adoxography and of GS

[Deleted]

Himari's young age and inexperience was made more clear the longer she spoke on torture. She wanted to achieve the impossible and thought there was a route to get there if she just put in enough effort. But humans were imperfect creatures and the girl's own words were a sort of oxymoron in themselves.

Yoko's expression twisted with obvious skepticism, but she reponded first to the agreement on a day. "Tuesday at three, then. But I'll tell you again, there is a limit to what anyone can endure. If you're screaming, then it is affecting you. You will never achieve 'nothing works on me,'" she said, "because there will always be something that does. I hate to burst your pretty bubble, but you are like everyone else I've met at your core. You are unique in your situation because you house a beast within you, but outside of that? You're still human, you're still vulnerable and have weaknesses, and you will never be so impervious that you could casually gossip with me over tea while one of my acids eats away your spine."

It was a harsh way to phrase it, but she wanted to get the point across without repeating herself a third time. "I'll help you build tolerance. Don't expect a miracle beyond what your human shell allows." Yoko's healing continued on, and it was reaching the final few minutes she needed to have completely patched the other woman up to being just as she was when she'd walked in the front door earlier. Their time today was nearly up, and she did hope Himari would arrive at their second meeting with a bit more realism in her ideas on pain tolerance. Even mountainous men with decades of experience had things that would break them, and this woman--jin or not--was no different.

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Mikazuki Aikawa ❤ HEX: #d85266 ❤ no notes