Kirigakure | Chuunin | Yagi Sairen |

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Kirigakure | Chuunin | Yagi Sairen |Oct 17, 2022 1:25:16 GMT -5
cocoa
Reflect carefully upon your actions.
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Header: Do you have an image of this character that can fill the entire header? There are transparent sides alongside the image, as it doesn't fully fit the format.

General: This is a readability problem throughout your entire app. It might be a good idea to have more paragraphs, splitting things up into sections in order to make them more readable to people who check out your app. In particular for personality and appearance, where we generally require two paragraphs of description. Additionally for appearance, make sure to list the height/weight in Centimeters and Kilograms as well for our international members.

Alias: You'll want to put a [Kirigakure] note next to the name. It's implied in the name, but still good to tag the region in which he's known by that title for your fellow players! 

Age, History, and Faceclaim: I'm collapsing all of this down into one section because I believe they are all interrelated. The face claim you're using is fifteen years old, and looks quite a lot younger than the twenty-five year old age you set your character at. As your history is fairly sparing already, it might benefit you to cut the age down a bit, making him younger.

You don't have to go as young as fifteen, but placing him in the realm of eighteen might be reasonable, especially because you haven't written very much beyond the point where he is eighteen anyhow. I would also recommend you reread Kirigakure's history - If he is 18-25, as suggested/written, he would've grown up in Kirigakure during the Civil War and this obviously would have impacted him. Additionally, the Sanbi broke out and wreaked havoc in the village in very recent memory, something that would have impacted Sairen. It could even be involved in how he become famed within the village and gained his reputation as a musician, if he traveled around the ruined areas providing hope to others with his songs.

Fighting Style: You have a contradiction at the start of your paragraph, both stating he prefers mid-to-long range and mid-to-close range. Might want to reassess that.

Combat Information: You're lacking a primary and secondary specialization, which you need in order to have a character unless you were intending on creating a civilian. If you would like to create a civilian, this is an entirely different app and would not be capable of being a Gate Guard. You also don't have anything in your inventory - you need to make certain you at least have your flute, but would probably benefit from other equipment.

Jutsu:

You've got too many A-rank jutsu. A chuunin is able to start with Fourteen E-B ranks OR eleven E-B and one A. No more than three B ranks and if you take an A rank it must fall under your primary specialization choice. Additionally any B ranks must fall under your primary or secondary specializations. You'll get an additional extra C-rank jutsu for your primarily specialization, meaning you can have a total of either Fifteen or Thirteen jutsu depending on your arrangement. It seems like you were trying to go for the latter - just trade out one of your A-ranks for one E-C-rank jutsu and you should be good to go.

You also may want to reconsider your formatting for your jutsu. This can get really messy when you purchase more jutsu and your list becomes very long. Putting the descriptions under spoilers might help.

Locker Combo: Your locker combo is off.

Cocoa has written 302 posts