[Itagaki Mitsumi]

And after everything, Mitsumi was back here again. The same familiar walls. The same familiar faces.

It was she who was different this time. Her teeth were on edge, that incessant buzzing in her head growing in volume as the halls tightened around her like a noose.

It was clearer now. Sometimes it even took the shape of words. But it brought her back to that night. Rage, pain, fear. And death.

Mitsumi wasn't skilled at using crutches, but she hobbled her way out to the garden as quickly as she could manage. She needed air. Space. To be out of these halls that smelled of the past.

Mitsumi felt sick. The air was suffocating, her skin itched, and her mind was a cacophony. Through the fog, the buzzing, and the storm of her own confused thoughts.
"...Safe. We will be safe." Mitsumi staggered, the right crutch clattering to the ground as Mitsumi leaned heavily against a wi down.

It wasn't the first time she had heard a voice that was not her own reverberate in her thoughts. And she wasn't a fool - she already knew she had a creature living within her. Friendly, apparently, but distinctly inhuman.

Leaning against the windowsill to keep her wounded leg elevated, like she had been told, Mitsumi slid the hallway window open, taking a deep breath of fresh air.

"Was it you who killed her, or me...?" It was barely above a whisper, but the answer - if any came - was an indistinct buzzing. Mitsumi sighed out a shuddering breath, and looked out across the hospital's courtyard, the breeze catching her hair.

She would be fine. She had to be. She just needed a minute.

She needed to get out of here.

Mitsumi glanced down at her bandaged knee. It ached, but it didn't feel too bad. "How much trouble would I get in for breaking out of here...?"

[Futago Yua]

Yua was a little annoyed at her hospital stay. She was medically trained herself and knew that a bit of rest and cautious use of her arm was the best way to deal with her bruised shoulder, yet the medics here seemed to fuss over it and demanded she hung around to make sure there were no further complications. The young Futago woman couldn’t figure out if there really was need for her to stay or if they were just being extra cautious considering her status as an allied shinobi. Kusagakure didn’t seem like the type of place to really care if you got hurt in the course of duty, but Kumogakure seemed a little kinder on that front.

At least they didn’t mind if she wandered around a bit. The medics kept her away from all those juicy medical scrolls, probably because they related to confidential patient information rather than anything jutsu related, and no one even gave her a second glance or whispered about her behind her back. It was a nice change of pace to the situation back home. Fortunately, or unfortunately considering it meant they got hurt, it seemed like others from her team were in the hospital as well.

Yua was wandering about herself when she spied Mitsumi leaning against a window, clearly doing her best to work around the injuries she’d received in the cultist attack. The purple haired girl couldn’t hear much of what the student was mumbling, but as she came closer she did hear her musing about escape and couldn’t help but interject a little.

"Depends, do they think you’re sound of mind? I suspect either way it’s the medics and doctors that’d get in more trouble. Can’t have patients randomly wandering off like that.” Yua wandered on over to the older girl’s side and leant down to pick up the dropped crutch before handing it over. Her own treatment didn’t look too bad, just a bit of a bandage-based lump on her should that made her shirt bulge a little. "You wouldn’t believe how much trouble you can get in if you don’t fill out a discharge form right.” She added with a kind smile.

[Itagaki Mitsumi]

Rather predictably, Mitsumi started when her external monologue was cut into. She turned as sharply as her awkward position allowed. Her face, at least, had escaped injury with the chaos of the other day, though the dark circles under her eyes spoke of a lack of restful sleep.
"I-it was a joke, Futago-san!" Mitsumi said, taking back the dropped crutch. "Thank y-you..." Mitsumi's gaze fell, and she took another breath.

Mitsumi still didn't know all of the details. The night was still a blur of fear and fury, and it seemed her mind refused to directly engage with it. And yet those images and sensations still reverberated.

She still didn't know, really, what had happened to the members of the Futago clan while she was away. And yet she couldn't help but feel responsible. If she had just managed to keep a grip on herself, if she hadn't let Chōmei take control...

"I-I... I'm sorry, Futago-san," Mitsumi's gaze remained low. "I-if I hadn't b-been there, then..." What was done was done. She knew that. And Mitsumi knew the answer wasn't retreating back into herself. She wouldn't allow it. And neither would her new duty.

Mitsumi peeked up through her bangs. "A-are you and, um... S-Saito-san okay...? I d-didn't hurt y-you?"

[Futago Yua]

Yua gave a light chuckle at Mitsumi’s reaction. She was trying to make her own joke out of the thought with, bonus factual information, but clearly missed the mark. "Don’t worry hun, I know the feelin’.” She replied calmly, hoping to sooth the poor girl’s nervousness by putting on her bedside manner voice. "You don’t gotta worry about honorifics either. We both went through the same night, just call me Yua.”

The thought of that night caused Yua to unconsciously stretch her shoulder to work out the kinks again. She wasn’t really sure what had gone on with Mitsumi and Matoi while she was trying to help out Saito, she didn’t even remember seeing Mitsumi disappear in the first place. All she knew for sure was both pairs were attacked and defended themselves before help arrived, and a lot of effort was put into getting everyone back to the village in safety. That and what the flares were supposedly to be used for.

It took a moment for Yua to snap herself out of the introspection of that night and return her focus to Mitsumi. She seemed just as skittish as that night though thankfully there weren’t any visual depictions around that might cause her stress around here. "Ifs an’ buts aren’t worth dwellin’ on.” She replied dismissively, "If not you, someone else would be there. I suspect Saito was as much a target as you, though the why of it all…” It was getting hard for the young Futago woman to deny the possibility of bijuu being real and what that might mean for her cousin, but she wasn’t quite at the acceptance stage yet.

"I don’t really know how you could think you’d hurt either of us. I honestly thought you’d been grabbed at first, but couldn’t follow considering Saito…” Yua shook her head, uncertain how exactly to explain what happened with her cousin that night. Leaking a caustic substance that harmed everything around him but caused the boy no damage? None of it made medical sense.

"I’m just glad you didn’t get hurt any more than that.” She added, nodding towards Mitsumi’s leg "Those people had some strange techniques that I wasn’t sure I knew how to react to.”

[Itagaki Mitsumi]

Mitsumi realized that she didn't really know what had happened to the Futago pair as Yua spoke. Mitsumi assumed they had just been attacked by... whoever has assaulted them, or that Mitsumi had injured them during her panicked escape. Considering what she remembered doing, the dark splotches in her memories were downright frightening.

She grimaced a bit at the requested name. Everyone seemed so quick to become familiar with her. Was she just being awkward?
"Y-Yua-san, then..." She murmured in response. It was the best she could manage at the moment.

The grimace continued as Mitsumi listened to Yua speak. She clearly hadn't been given the full picture of herself, and she knew she wasn't at liberty to explain it to her. What could she say, then...?

A lack of clear answers resulted in Mitsumi staring at Yua's feet for a long, awkward moment.

"I-I don't really remember wh-what they did..." Mitsumi remembered a blade crashing into her knee. But everything from that night was a blur of sensation and emotion. Details dissolved into vague but powerful impressions. "I-I just remember..." Mitsumi looked down at her hands, then balled them into fists, forcing herself to make eye contact.

"Have you... I-I know you're a Genin b-but..." Mitsumi swallowed noisily, and adjusted her balance on the crutches. "Have y-you, um..." Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "Killed someone? N-not like... murder, just..." Mitsumi was clearly serious about this, though she faltered over her words.

Mitsumi remembered the senior Shinobi delivering the coup de grâce. That much was clear in her memories.

And yet... Mitsumi had killed her. She would have killed her. In that moment, she wanted to.

Mitsumi's expression was complicated, and she searched Yua's eyes for... what? Empathy? Sympathy?

[Futago Yua]

Yua smiled encouragingly at Mitsumi as she said her name. She’d have preferred not to deal with a honorific as they made her feel awkward, but it was better than nothing. It seemed that the other girl didn’t have much she could say about the night either but Yua knew better than to press for things in a situation like this. They both needed to heal in ways beyond the physical, and from what Mitsumi asked a moment later she felt like she understood the other girl a little more.

"Not a human life. No.” she replied sternly, eyes darkening slightly with memory. "I came close, once, while protecting my mother on the road.” It was clearly a bad memory and Yua’s voice gained a hint of rage as she spoke. "At that stage it would have been a murder though, so I’m glad she stopped me.” Yua moved to lean against the wall by Mitsumi, strategically being within reach if she needed to be close to someone right now, but far enough away not to invade her personal space.

"Pa once told me that the first time I’d have to kill would be hard, and that most people experienced doubt or uncertainty when it happened.” She explained calmly, trying to pass on what wisdom she could, "It's normal to have doubts, especially if you feel like you lost control in that moment. That part I think I can understand. Just don’t harden your heart over what someone else forced you to do.”

[Itagaki Mitsumi]

The thought of killing, and the mention of family caused Mitsumi's gaze to shift into the middle distance, eyes unfocused for a moment. The fire and death linked two memories. One confusing. One life-defining.

She was a killer in both, even though no one had died directly by her hand. How many lives would she claim before death took its final toll?

She blinked rapidly, shaking off the flashback. That was nothing new, at least, though Mitsumi appeared even paler. She swallowed, and risked a glance up at Yua. The long silences when her thoughts were scattered like this could not be pleasant, which made her more nervous, which led to long pauses...

"I-it... wasn't just self defence..." Why was she saying this? Mitsumi realized that it was probably because she wanted to be told that she was not at fault. Mitsumi pressed her lips into a thin line, and the grip on the crutches tightened. "I'm used to death," Mitsumi said finally, and softly. "But... I was e-expecting to feel... I don't know. Regret? G-guilt? B-but I remember what I d-did, and it's all... anger. Fear. I was so scared and-" The floodgates were beginning to open, and Mitsumi spoke more and more rapidly, panic rearing its ugly head once more. "A-and... and I wanted them to d-die. Utagawa-san, t-too. Everyone there." It was terrifying, losing control of even her emotions, like that.

And she couldn't even explain to Yua why.

[Futago Yua]

It was slowly becoming clear to Yua that there were clearly some deep scars within Mitsumi’s past that she wasn’t privy to that were influencing the poor student’s thoughts. Unfortunately the best she could do in this sort of situation was simply to be there for her and listen. As such the purple haired girl was quiet and listened as Mitsumi was overwhelmed by regret, guilt, and eventually her emotions.

This wasn’t the first time she’d had someone panic like this, though the topic was quite different to anything Yua had had to deal with before. If she’d had her medical gear with her she’d have offered Mitsumi a sedative to help calm down, instead all she could do was lightly reach out and lightly touch the one of the hands gripping the crutch like a vice. An offer of contact if it was needed.

"What lead to it might not have been self-defence, but the act itself was.” Yua said calmly, not even sure if this was the right approach but willing to try none the less. "Sorting through your emotions after the fact is always going to be difficult, you have all the power of hindsight and the ability to convince yourself things went a different way to what really happened. That they could go a different way.”

The constant ifs and buts of the past, even when you fully accepted that there was nothing you could do about them you’d often find yourself dwelling. Yua was quite familiar with those thoughts, though she did worry a little when Mitsumi admitted wanting to kill everyone on the trip. "There is no right way to feel about the situation. If you need to hide from the world and curl up and cry on your own that’s valid. If you need to yell and scream at someone that’s okay too. It takes time to sort through these sorts of thoughts, and there are plenty of people here that can help you through it if you just ask.”

Yua’s only regret in this situation was that she couldn’t say she’d be there for Mitsumi too. The young Fatugo had no idea how much longer she’d be kept at the hospital, how soon after that those responsible for her would want to head back to Kusagakure. She hated not being able to dedicate more help to the poor young woman before her. The purple haired girl pushed herself from the wall and stood in front of Mitsumi again, purple eyes meeting lavender.

"Whatever it is within you that makes you think you were such a monster didn’t win out. Utagawa was fine, I was fine, Saito was fine. You might not feel like it but you had enough control to avoid the outcome you feared.” If Yua had known the truth of the situation she might not have been able to say it with such conviction, but right now she saw someone with doubt in their heart over something beyond their capabilities to prepare for.

[Itagaki Mitsumi]

The flinch at even the light touch on her hand was slight, but noticeable. Her nerves still felt frayed, and the thing stirred in response. Or had it? It was getting harder to tell where her thoughts ended and the being within her started. Or was it all her imagination in the first place?

No. Not all. The chitin that had blossomed from her flesh was evidence enough of that.

"I'm... I'm done h-hiding." Mitsumi forced herself to maintain eye contact, voice small but firm. There was no way Yua could have known why that wasn't an option for her. If she let herself hide again... her life would end. She just knew it, down to her bones. A nameless fear. "I'll just... just keep m-moving forward. Th-that's all I can do." She was terrified, and even her vague memories of that night made her want to vomit.

"You're wrong, Y-Yua-san. I wasn't in control at all. I-" Mitsumi cut herself off, and she cast her gaze out of the window abruptly. She had to keep it secret. Even though it hurt to lie by omission to someone who had even accepted her homicidal urges. "...D-did you know that I w-was supposed to graduate eight years a-ago? I... I s-stopped before. I didn't even speak for a y-year. If I let myself stop again, then..." The wounds had reopened, if she was blurting this much to a near-stranger. "I'm scared. B-but I'm more scared of stopping than going f-forward. S-so there's no choice."

[Futago Yua]

Considering Mitsumi continued to flinch Yua didn’t press the matter. It seemed like the poor student was dealing with something much bigger than the problems that the Futago woman was aware of. The way she spoke was a mix of conviction and fear, a desire to press forward when everything felt like it was burning down around her. It was an impressive drive to keep moving forward but it felt like there was some lingering issue that needed to be addressed.

"If you weren’t in control then, you are now. You know what to expect, you can learn to manage it. Whatever it is.” Yua believed this to be true, though she was uncertain how exactly Mitsumi would handle it going forward. She was clearly scared, though once again it was impossible for Yua to actually figure out of what, and not even her explanation of her past was able to help much.

"I didn’t, no.” Yua replied softly, clearly willing to listen to whatever story Mitsumi felt the need to tell. It seemed that depending on the village the age of students varied, and even genin were all over the place so she didn’t really have a point of reference to understand things. Though she did have to admit eight years was one of the longest periods she’d ever heard of. "I don’t even know how old you are to be honest, though if it was that long ago…”

It took Yua a moment to realise and pull a face, she didn’t know much about the villages in general but her reading up on the medical advancements over the years had lead her to hearing about the great plague that Kumogakure had experienced. "That would have been a lot to go through. I couldn’t even imagine.” She admit uncertainly, the first time during the entire conversation her carefully maintained bedside manner dropped. "The fact you’re still pushin’ forward is inspirin’ if anythin’.”

[Itagaki Mitsumi]

Mitsumi didn't even understand why she was dumping all of this on Yua. Normally, she kept her pain, her fear, clutched tight to her chest. Maybe it was because her nerves were bare and raw. Maybe because she knew it would be some time before she saw Yua again. If she did.

"I'm sorry, Yua-san," Mitsumi said softly, then sighed heavily. "I-it's not l-like you had an easy t-time either..." Despite the words sounding compassionate, and there was genuine concern in her voice, the words were bitter on Mitsumi's tongue. It was just another way to run away. But... it was her burden to bear. No matter how painful it was to shoulder.

Mitsumi glanced up, but couldn't maintain eye contact for long. "H-how are you d-doing? I don't r-remember much of what h-happened, but..." Mitsumi's mind cast back, to the moments before her memories turned to a maelstrom of chaos and fear. "S-saito-san... i-is he okay...?" There was something about that boy. Something threatening that belied his theatrics and melodrama. The thing inside of her roused at the memory.

Mitsumi shook off the shiver that ran up her spine. "I-I don't mean to pry..."

[Futago Yua]

"My job was to protect and lead you and Saito, and judin’ by the fact you’re in hospital with crutches to help you move about I did a pretty crappy job.” Yua retorted, face and tone clearly angry at her failure on that front, though it eased back after a moment as she smiled at Mitsumi calmly. "The worst’a my injuries were from the rock when we found the waterfall and I can tell ya’ it wasn’t as bad as this lump on my back suggests.”

At the mention of her cousin Yua’s pressed her lips together, slight worry showing itself before she could hide it again. "He’s okay, he didn’t get physically injured per say but…” the young Futago woman fell quiet for a moment, struggling with herself to try and figure out how much she was willing to admit to herself as much as Mitsumi. "If I think about it logically. The reason we were given to use those flairs, the fact Matoi used it with you, and everythin’ else that happened that night.” She fell quiet again, clearly struggling with the decision to believe her own thoughts or continue her stubborn refusal brought on.

"I get the feelin’ you guys went through somethin’ pretty similar.” The admission of the possibility came out slowly, the purple haired girl clearly not wanting to acknowledge her shift in belief on the matter. Some of it came from her desire to learn the new world she’d been introduced to, but mostly a desire to understand her family member better. "Though, I’m still not entirely sure what that all means.”

[Itagaki Mitsumi]

Mitsumi opened her mouth, then closed it, lips pressed into a thin line. She had never been told about precise condition, but she knew, on a basic, instinctual level, that something lived in him, just as something lived in her. But it was a state secret, wasn't it? Something Mitsumi needed to keep quiet, for the sake of the village, and for her own safety.

Those zealots had been targeting her, hadn't they? Or perhaps her and Saito? Were they just lying in ambush, waiting for a Jinchuuriki to reveal themselves? Or had information leaked to Kumogakure no Sato's enemies?

Mitsumi felt a headache coming on. She wasn't used to thinking like this. But she would have to. This was, after all, her life now.

Realizing she had been quiet for a long moment, Mitsumi flushed, then nodded jerkily.
"S-Something similar, y-yeah..." Mitsumi was even more fidgety than usual, and it would not take an empath to detect that she was lying by omission, or at least trying to avoid the subject directly. "I-I'm just sorry you a-and Utagawa-s-san got dragged into all of this." It wasn't her fault. Not really. But the guilt remained. If she was going to bear this burden, if she was going to have this target painted on her back, she needed to get stronger. Strong enough to defend herself.

Strong enough to control herself.

She wanted to ask for advice, but she quelled it. She had dragged Yua deep enough already. But, maybe...

Mitsumi risked a glance up at Yua, briefly making eye contact. "Wh-when they gave you those f-flares... what did th-they tell you...?" Mitsumi wanted to keep this to herself, to manage it on her own, but if Yua knew already, then...

[Futago Yua]

Mitsumi wasn’t really giving Yua much to work with but it was pretty obvious that there was some great secret she was trying to keep, much as she’d been with how she danced around her own explanation. Though the reason were probably very different.

"We signed up for it. Not just as genin workin’ our way through the system. We literally signed up for it. There’s an inherent risk in this job that we’ve all accepted.” Yua understood why Mitsumi kept wanting to apologise but at this point it was starting to grate on her nerves. It didn’t make sense to keep apologising for the same thing over and over again. Granted, she knew someone like that back home, even if the way they did it wasn’t exactly the same.

"Hmm? What they said?” Yua gently tapped at her chin, eyes drifting up and to the side as she tried to remember the exact words used but unsure if she’d be able to do more than the general idea of what was said. "Two people within the groups were jinchuuriki, no individual was pointed out but we had to be aware of it. Could have been one of the other team leads for all I knew.”

She paused again, trying to remember more of the specifics before continuing, "The flairs were for if there was a ‘monstrous’ emergency, though at the time I thought they were just trying to enhance our sense of caution at the time. I’ve only ever heard of bijuu in stories.” With her explanation done Yua’s gaze returned to Mitsumi with another soft smile. That was the nearest she was willing to mention her disbelief out loud, she didn’t want to accidentally say something that made Mitsumi shut down. And maybe she’d be able to find more out about what happened to Saito this way.

[Itagaki Mitsumi]

Mitsumi shifted her weight from her crutches to her good foot, worrying at her lip with her teeth. She knew that someone in the group was jinchūriki, but didn't seem to be able to connect it to any one person. Or didn't believe it, despite what had happened.

She was conflicted, and it showed on her face. Part of her just wanted to tell the truth. So that Yua could understand. So that Mitsumi could be understood, even if just a little. But... she knew how important it was to protect this information. And opening herself up invited understanding, yes. It also invited pain.

"I-I, um... Well..." Mitsumi cringed at herself. What she wouldn't give to just talk normally... "I-I can, um... confirm th-that, um... Jinchūriki w-were there. I wasn't there, b-but..." Mitsumi's gaze was wandering, and she had continued to fidget. But as she paused, she took a breath and stilled, risking another look at Yua's face as some certainty entered her features. "I-I'm pretty sure Saito-san i-is one." If asked 'why,' Mitsumi didn't have much evidence.

Just a feeling of threat and bizarre kinship that she couldn't explain any other way. "Y-you didn't hear th-that from me, but... I'm certain."